Truth or Dare
by Trapped In La La Land
Summary: Galbatorix may be mad, but his sick sense of humor is bound to make up for it. Atra edoc'sil mor'ranr lifa unin hjarta onr!
1. More Than A Madman

**Truth Or Dare!**

Dark hallways, lined by torches placed sparsely enough so that you knew only generally where you were going, whizzed past as with the speed of a running elf, Eragon, in the company of of his indentured ser-loyal friend Saphira, Princess of the Elves, Arya, Her mother and Queen of the Elves, Izlanzadi, Traitor-turned-suspicious-good-guy, Murtagh, Murtagh's indentured ser-loyal friend Thorn and Leader of the Rebellion, Luke Sky- Lady Nasuada.

Not stopping, they quickly reached the large black doors that they guessed opened into the throne room, because if it's a huge set of fucking doors well doesn't that just kill all of the worry about where you fucking are.

**Ahem, moving on.**

**Oh, right!**

Taking a second to catch their collective breath, they line up in front of it and are about to break the door down when, suddenly, the door slowly creaks open of it's own volition. Assuming that this means that they WON'T be obliterated the moment they all rush in at the same time, they do exactly that.

After a headlong rush into the room, they don't even make it halfway to the throne before they are met with the oddest sight that they could claim at that time as to having been the oddest site...at that time. Sitting at a table in front of the huge, multi-tiered golden-ruby-emerald dais that holds the most bad-guy looking throne ever seen, is none other than the baddest guy ever seen.

Yes, they're now face to face with their enemy, their arch-rival, their entire worlds source of pain and suffering for last hundred years and the reason that there are only two dragons left in the world that wouldn't eat you the moment they saw you. Yes, the most feared man in the world, comparable to a god, with the battle-to-end-all-battles raging outside his very gates...is wearing a party hat and waving happily to the people who are holding swords with imma-kill-you written all over their faces.

Shaking off their initial disbelief at the sheer unreality of the situation, they each let out their own war cry and charge heroically at their nemesis, prepared to enter into the conflict of their liv-

**SNAP**

They freeze before any one of them could even take a step. Okay, so far, not to plan.

Standing up and still with the party hat sitting at a jovial angle on his head, the Dark Lord, The Evil King, the Scourge Of The Riders...said to them,

"Hello, how are you today? Nice weather we're having isn't it?" 

Silence from his captives, they wouldn't give him the satisfaction, they wouldn't crack, they would defy him until the en-

"Y_eah, it's pretty good_."

They all turned to and fro, trying to find the source of the deep voice that had just resounded through all their heads. Finally, they spot the culprit, looking straight at him...then up...then up...then up...then up until Galbatorix has to tilt them with his magic so they can see the ceiling with their eyes, still unable to move.

Finally making eye-contact, they come face to face with a creature even more infamous than the Black King himself. Shruikan, wearing his own oversized party hat. Bringing his head down until it was sitting on the floor directly behind the table, obscuring the throne, the dragon took in the sight with his house sized eye.

"_Hello, long time no see...ever._"

Galbatorix acted like he had only just seen the dragon, introducing each other as casually as one in this sort of situation would expect.

"Oh, yes, sorry old boy. Shruikan, meet nice people. Nice people, meet Shruikan."

The dragon flapped a large clawed foot at them in a doleful wave, creating a small gale with the action, before returning back to his previous position curled up behind the throne. Now that introductions were out of the way, Galbatorix decided to move things along. Clapping his hands, he walked back to the table, his prisoners floating along behind him like several very detailed anatomically correct balloons.

When he reached the table, he sat down at his chair, obviously a large, high-backed thing and all those under his thrall did the same, being forced into their chairs and held down, sitting neatly postured with their backs straight and their hands in their laps.

Looking happily around the table, the King started talking.

"Now then, while we wait for our other guests to arrive, is everyone comfortable, would anyone like a glass of water?"

As one could expect, this question wasn't met popularly, in fact, it was met with a barrage of words that had mothers the world over glaring at nothing, profound disapproval radiating off them. The king's smile never faltered however as he calmly replied once they used up their store of insults.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, it seems that we may not be able to retain a sense of civility with each other. And here I was, hoping that I wouldn't have to slowly peel the skin off of you one at a time."

Silence, when suddenly!

"Ah, the rest of our company arrives!"

He didn't even look in their direction, but at that moment, in ran Angela, Solembum, Orik and Nar Gharzvog. They didn't even have time to process what they were looking at before they quickly learned to fly, soon finding themselves forcibly seated with the rest of their party.

Clapping his hands together in a way that the King was starting to worry was becoming a habit, he eased up a bit on the magic holding them to their seats, allowing them to move their hands and feet, but still keeping their backs stuck to the backs of their respective chairs.

"Okay, now that we're all here, all comfy and all have our glasses of water',

'**SNAP' **Before each of them, a glass appears,

'we can begin!"

He was about to go on but Angela suddenly jumped up from her seat and flew at Galbatorix, Solembum at her side and Tinkledeath in her hand. With a smug grin, the King casually raised his hand and in a flash, the two were again restrained to their seats. Crossing her arms and pouting slightly, Angela glared at him.

"I hope you know that I wasted a perfectly good potion for that little escape trick."

Galbatorix's oh so witty response? He stuck his tongue out at the witch. After that amazing show of maturity, he turns his attention back to the group at large and see all of them with their hands on their weapons, glaring at him, waiting for the moment that they could strike and a certain dwarf that had actually taken his axe out from the holster on his back and was leaning towards the king with it outstretched, as if he could kill him if he touched him with the pointy end before he overbalanced and slammed his face into the table.

Sighing, the King grabbed the bridge of his nose between his right hand's thumb and forefinger, acting exasperated.

"You know, all I want to do is play a little game, if that's too hard for all of you I might as well just kill you all now."

He raised his left hand as if to carry out the threat and that's when everyone jumped forwards at once, each saying that they would play.

Clapping his hands together and groaning at the fact that he had done it again, he began talking again.

"Now, as I was saying, I have gathered you all here today for one reason, one very important reason! A reason so important, that it needed all of the best minds in Alagasia to be accomplish. I want to play a game of-' He pointed his hand at the air with a flourish and proclaimed-' TRUTH OR DARE!" 

All around the table, there were looks of disbelief, no-one really knowing what to say when a tyrant kidnaps you and wants to play a children's game...except Angela.

"Ooh, I love this game." 

Everyone who wasn't a tyrant glared at her and she blushed, quieting down.

Turning back to Galbatorix, Eragon decided he'd had enough of this smirking madman. Glaring at the King, he spoke with as much vehemence as he could possibly muster, the fact that he was trying to withhold every mean word he knew not lost on the King.

"Umm, with all insult intended, are you more mental than we thought?"

The King's grin widened at the question and he treated it like someone hadn't just questioned his sanity.

"Of course I am, why else would I collapse every entrance into this room the moment you came in here, sealing us off from your army for a few hours while they try to dig their way inside, just to play a game with you?"

No-one responded, no-one knew how. The moment he finished talking however, there was a large **CRACK** from the entrances to the room followed by the sound of falling masonry and accompanied by a dust cloud billowing into the room that didn't reach them due to the sheer size _of_ the room.

Turning in horror back to the Mad King, their situation finally dawned on them. They were going to have to play a children's game with their enemy. Leaning over to whisper to Eragon to her left, Arya quickly told him that it would be wise to play along with the King until they could figure out a way out of their predicament.

Taking the lead, Eragon plastered a fake grin of his own onto his face and said to Galbatorix that they'd play.

Nodding his head, the king replied,

"Lovely, splendid, awesomesauce. Okay, the rules are si-' He was interrupted before he got far though, with Eragon cutting in.

"But first, you have to tell us why."

Galbatorix's smile turned into a frown and he deflated slightly.

"Really?" He asked in the most whiny voice he could muster.

Eragon raised a twitching eyebrow, trying with all his might not to yell, 'YOU'RE MEANT TO BE EVIL, BE EVIL!'

Taking this as a yes, the Mad King huffs and dives right into this question.

"Okay, I guess I can tell you. You see, I. Am. Bored. So bored. I figured out how to do anything and everything with magic a long time ago, 'snort from Angela', and when you can do everything, well, everything just gets rather dull really, you know what I mean?"

Everyone looked at him like he'd grown two more heads and one of them was an Urgal while the other was a Dragon. Again, however, Angela piped up.

"It's an annoying feeling when that happens isn't it."

Everyone turned to her again and she wasn't even paying attention to them, she had pulled out her knitting and was now crafting a...what looked like a large beanie, too large for any human. After several seconds of silence she did look up and seeing everyone's gazes, shrugged.

"What, it passes the time."

Shaking their heads, they returned their attention to Galbatorix.

"Anyway, after I figured out how to do everything, I decided that I might as well _learn_ everything too. So, I started asking questions of myself, ranging from the random to the totally insane."

Everyone stoically kept a straight face.

"After a while though, I realised that, shockingly, my own imagination was limited, so, I sought the help of my staff which incidentally, consists of about three people, so no surprise there when that ran out rather quickly. I was nearly giving up when I heard the commotion about an army outside my walls and I took that as a perfect opportunity to bring in the best and brightest of this generation to help me find some more questions to answer. so, Truth Or Dare!"

He raised his hands and looked like he expected everyone to break into applause when everyone there was trying to make sense of the insanity that was this 'man's' motivation...and failing...it literally made no sense whatsoever.

It felt almost shameful to Eragon, here he was dedicating his life to bringing down a tyrant and here he was in an arms reach yet further than ever. Not only that though, it appears that the King doesn't really care that the Varden have marshalled one of the greatest and most powerful armies of their age and was instead playing games with his staff. How was he meant to feel?

"So, now that we have that cleared up are their any more questions before we start?"

Silence.

"Lovely! Okay, the rules are simple. I ask the first question and whoever it is who gets asked gets to ask the next and that person the next person and so on. The Truth questions have to be answered with a fact while the Dare questions must be answered with an Act...or whatever the hell you get asked to do. Okay, let's get this party started!"

Snapping his fingers yet again, two decks of cards, one blue and one red, appeared in the middle of the table. Piping up, Izlanzadi asked a question.

"What is this Galbatorix, you haven't explained everything?"

The Mad King looked at her and tapped his nose conspiratorially.

"It's a secret Lizard Queen."

The Queen blushed and everyone looked at her curiously, none more than her daughter.

"What does that mean mother?"

Blushing even more profusely, Izlandazi coughed into her hand.

"Uuuh..." She answered most intelligently.

Waving his hand, the King dismissed the matter.

"Okay, since I get to choose the first person, I'll have to make it a good one...hmm...Aha, I know, Eragon! Since you're the first new Shur'tugal in a hundred years or so, you get first pick."

Trying to hide the slight smugness at being first and failing spectacularly, he turns to his left and asked his prospective love _The_ question.

"Arya, Truth Or Da-'

"Truth."

Stopping for a second, he sighs slightly in disappointment before his eyes lit up in hope.

"Arya, do you have any feeling for me that go beyond friendship or have you ever?"

her answer was nearly as quick as the previous one.

"No."

Smiling sweetly to Eragon, she turns to Orik and asked him 'Truth Or Dare?'

The dwarf didn't hesitate.

"Dare baby, woo!"

Mistake.

Now smiling wickedly, she responded with,

"Orik, King Of The Dwarves, I dare you to let Eragon shave you're beard with magic."

Gasps all around the table, even from the King. Phased only briefly however, the dwarf responded.

"I-I'll do it." Turning to face his friend who was sulking slightly, he asked him, "Eragon, brother, shave my beard lest my honour be in question."

Worried about how this would affect their relationship as brothers, he reluctantly raised his hand and with a couple carefully spoken sentences, the gloriousness that was Orik's beard fell to the table with barely a whisper.

Everyone watched silently as he picked up his beard and began to cradle it delicately in his arms, speaking softly to it.

"It's okay Sharleene, you're in a better place now."

Eragon watched this display with trepidation, worrying about his own hair now from possible vengeance.

He paled as he thought, Dwarf Vengeance!

After a minute of silence, the Dwarf, his expressions now able to be seen on his _very_ pale face, turned to face Galbatorix and yelled in a thick voice,

"I DEMAND MEAD!"

With a snap of his fingers and a little _ping_, several flagons of mead from the King's personal stores were now sitting in front of his 'guests', as well as two large vats in front of the dragons seated behind their riders and a veritable lake in front of Shruikan.

After taking a long pull from his flagon and being pleasantly surprised when he saw it magically refill, the dwarf turned to the elf Queen,

"Truth Or Dare?"

Izlanzadi replied, "I am afraid of nothing Dwarf, give me you're hardest Dare."

Grinning smugly, Orik replied, "I dare you to sit on Murtagh's lap for ten minutes, bridal style."

She immediately turned away from the smug dwarf and looked towards the teenager who was now blushing more than the dragon he rode.

Her face set into a stoic grim, she calmly got up from her seat. Upon discovering that she was able to move however, she drew her sword and had it flying at Galbatorix in less than a second.

The moment it came within a foot's distance of him however, it stopped and turned to ash, the ash floating away never to be seen again.

Shrugging and saying that she tried to the rest of the wide-eyed group, she walked calmly around the table, walked calmly behind the chair that Murtagh was seated in, stood calmly next to the seated Murtagh, leaned calmly forwards and started whispering into his ear,

"Did you know that there are nearly several thousand ways to castrate a man, nearly a thousand of them while sitting on him? How about this, did you know that I know them _all_?"

A large and creepy smile lit up her face, her eyes looking dangerous.

"So let me tell you right now, if you move, I _will_ peel your dick like a banana."

She whispered it, so no-one except the dragon's listening and both Angela and Galbatorix heard. Three paled and shuffled about, worried that their pride as males of their respective species' was in danger, while the other half gained grins of their own, each of them making mental notes to talk to the Queen if they all get through this.

After a shaky nod from a very pale Murtagh, Izlanzadi turned around, leaned back and sat down on his lap, wriggling so that she could get comfy.

Behind both of them, the giant pile of glittering red scales known as Thorn could barely hold in his laughter at such a sight, writhing around on the floor behind them with suppressed giggles.

Still with that dangerous smile on her face, she looked around the table, keeping her gaze on those who were smiling even slightly until they were not smiling anymore.

Finally, her gaze turned on her daughter.

"Arya, sweet child of mine, Truth Or Dare?"

Her daughter looked shocked that she would willingly do this to her. Looking vehemently at her mother, the elf responded with,

Dare, mother, give me you're worst."

Her wicked smile coming back full force, she stated,

"I dare you to kiss Eragon. On the lips. With lots of vigour and of course, tongue." 

Arya just looked at her mother, nay, _stared_. After a minute her cat-like eyebrow twitched and she slowly turned her gaze to Eragon next to her who was looking back with no small amount of hope in his eyes.

Turning back to her mother, the princess responded,

"I would rather kiss a Snalgli than this no-hoper. At least that would stimulating."

While Eragon cried silently to himself at the sheer ease at which she said that, Izlanzadi didn't miss a step.

"Ah, ah, ah daughter, it is the rules. You _MUST_ comply."

Arya shook her head, crossing her arms and looking resolutely at her mother.

"No."

Coughing slightly to clear his throat, the king spoke up from his position at the head of the table.

"Um, if Arya refuses to accept the Dare, she has to take a red card from the table and do what it says."

Arya nodded and quickly levitated the topmost card to her hand. Giving it a quick read, she paled and the card fell to the table.

Taking the opportunity, the kind grasped it with his own magic and after his own short perusal, he looked up, a gleeful look in his eyes.

"Ladies, Gents, if Arya doesn't kiss Eragon, she has to receive _a spanking from her _mother!"

**I hope you had no expectations beyond this and I apologise if you did. Remember, I haven't done anything AFTER this except...well, nothing that you lot would be interested in. The point is that it will take me a bit to get back into the swing of things so re-writing 'Truth Or Dare' will help me do that.**

**Once again, and with severe nostalgia, I leave you with this chapter.**

**Once again...**

**No One-Liners!**


	2. Hidden Love, Forbidden Lust

**A/N: Well, I saw the four reviews that I loved and I just had to thank them somehow, though I fear that I may loose that small few when I post this bad chapter. I just finished it and I am so tired that I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. Well, enjoy it or hate it.**

**Chapter 2:**

At Galbatorix's words the whole table went silent...then...Angela was on the floor laughing so hard that after a couple of seconds her face was red.

No-one saw it however because seconds after Angela hit the ground everyone else followed, all except a still pale Murtagh who was trying to keep his thoughts on anything else but the fact that their was a very beautiful elf woman sitting on his lap.

After the laughter subsided, albeit with the very frequent giggles here and there, everyone had their eyes glued to Arya waiting to see what she would choose.

After what seemed like an eternity she stood up, walked over to Eragon who had suddenly lost all thought of laughing in the face of someone who could punch through a wall with impunity, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, dragged him to his feet and kissed.

The room was deathly silent as they watched the pair, Eragon with his arms by his sides, his finger's twitching and Arya, holding onto his collar with her left hand and with her right curled into a shaking fist.

Finally, after a couple of minutes Arya eventually broke the kiss and, immediately after, brought her fist up and everyone winced as it connected with an audible crack. He went flying back and his Saphira's side and slid down to the floor, unconscious and with a large grin on his face.

By this time Saphira was laughing so hard that the ground started to have small tremors.

After Arya had seated herself again she turned to Galbatorix and said vehemently:

"Truth or Dare?"

The icy tone of her voice made even Galbatorix look scared out of his wits and, with no more than a whisper he replied:

"Truth."

Looking disappointed that she couldn't vent her anger out on someone she frowned before her vindictive smile returned and she said:  
>"When did you first get laid."<p>

The whole city suddenly experienced a massive earthquake as Shruikan fell onto his side, his roaring laughter shaking the entire room. All the while Galbatorix looked uncomfortable. He replied with a grumble that no-one heard. Then Arya said:

"What was that Galby', cat got you're tongue?"

Ignoring the hiss from Solembum Galbatorix spoke in a loud, embarrassed voice:

"I...um...I was...a...never."

The room joined Shruikan in his mirth and the king chose to sink lower into his chair and he pulled his crown lower to hide his red ears.

When the laughter had subsided he spoke in an unemotional voice to Nasuada, saying:  
>"Nasuada, Truth or Dare?"<p>

She was about to reply when a very impatient Izlanzadi jumped off of Murtagh, yelling:

"Finally, was I the only one counting? Were you all just content to sit there and let me suffer silently?"

No-one spoke, they all knew that if they had had their way she would have been sitting there much longer than she had been. Not receiving an answer she stormed back to her seat and glared at everyone at once and being a queen she was a master at it.

Then Nasuada spoke up:  
>"I choose Dare." She said it in a small voice but after the Trial of the Long Knives she was prepared to go all the way and do anything to prove she wasn't weak. Nothing he could say could make her think other wise...<p>

"I Dare you...to go...INTO THE CLOSET WITH MURTAGH!"

...except that.

She was speechless, she glanced over at Murtagh who was blushing the same shade as the dragon he was glaring at. Said dragon kept letting out small snickers that sounded like boulders over gravel to everyone else. Before she could complain to Galbatorix however Murtagh stopped his glare-off for a second and said to old Galby':

"What Closet?"

Nasuada was now panicking, he really didn't want to go through with it...did he? No, she would never do it! He was the enemy, but he became their ally 30 minutes ago...He killed Hrothgar, but look at those strong arms of his...

"I accept!"

I yelled it just a bit to loud and now everyone was smirking at me except Murtagh who was looking at me with a look reminiscent of wonder. He wasn't expecting me to go through with it? Did he feel the same way about me?

All of these thoughts rushed through her head so fast that she didn't really notice it when Galbatorix raised his hand, flicked his wrist and a door appeared in the wall about 10 meters away from table.

She didn't notice when Murtagh got up and walked over to her.

Her breath caught however when he placed a hand gently on her shoulder and she nearly jumped. He offered her a hand with a lopsided grin on his face, half expecting her to punch him in the face. Therefore he was surprised when she got up and, without hesitation, grabbed his hand and speed marched him to the door. They stopped only when Murtagh ran ahead to open the door for her, then they disappeared inside, closing the door with a click.

After that little scene Galbatorix raised a hand an an hourglass appeared in the centre of the table, the sand falling slowly and soundlessly to the second chamber. He spoke up:

"Now, in the instance where the person just dared is not present to continue, a dare card shall decide for us what the next dare shall be."

So saying he reached inside his robes and pulled out a bottle full of fael'nirv. He launched it into the air with magic and it stopped about three feet above the able and started to spin.

The room was deathly quiet as everyone watched the bottle slowly spin to a stop, right on Nar Gharzvog. The large Kull seemed to consider for a little while before seemingly making up his mind. Raising his head and bearing his throat, he looked to Saphira and said:

"Truth...Or Dare?"

Saphira wasn't long in coming with her answer:

"_Truth_."

As if he had gotten just what he wanted the great beast of an Urgal raised his head ever higher and proclaimed:

"Do you love Solembum?"  
>Her sides rumbling in laughter she replied:<p>

"_I love him as a friend, nothing more_."

Gharzvog sat down again and Saphira hummed with delight at it being her turn. She slowly turned her head to Thorn and, projecting her thoughts to the whole group, asked him:

"_Truth Or Dare_?"

"_Dare, nothing scares me female_!"

Her lips curving into a draconic smile, she replied:

"_I Dare you to say you're honest opinion about my personality and the shape of my body_."

Everyone except Arya, Izlanzadi and Galbatorix smiled, they had met a dragon when angry, but they had never met a furious _female_ dragon and they knew that they didn't want to.

At her question Thorn realised just how close he was to having a very early death and he knew he shouldn't have taunted her, he also knew that Saphira's most noticeable aspect about her personality was her pride.

He thought carefully when he replied and just before he did, the three people in the room that knew Saphira well prepared to run.

"_You're mind matched you're spirit, headstrong and cocky, while beautiful and seductive. As for you're body'_ -He paused here to pointedly look at her before continuing- _'I have the same instinctual knowledge and memories that you do and I must say, in this world or the old world, you would have and are the most beautiful dragoness, in this world or the next_."

Saphira appeared speechless, she had always thought that Thorn had despised her for having what he didn't, but hearing those words she knew that she had been foolish and, looking into his eyes she saw that he had meant every word.

She took a step closer to him, careful to avoid flattening a still unconscious Eragon, and said:

"_Really? What am I to you?_"

Without hesitation Thorn took two long strides towards her so that they were nose to nose and eye to eye before replying:  
>"<em>You are as the sun and the moon, the stars and the sky and the lightning in the storm. Everything that you are is beautiful to me and if I could I would make you happy until this world is nothing more. I love you Saphira Bjartskular!<em>"

When he had finished his speech he stood stock still, waiting to see what she would think of him.

He was startled to find her nuzzling his neck, her sapphire scales clashing brilliantly with his ruby ones, and as he watched the dragoness he loved, he knew which jewel he preferred.

Then, from underneath Saphira, a startled voice exclaimed:  
>"Ahhhh, the sky is falling!"<p>

Thorn would have happily sat on him right then and there.

**A/N: Okay, I am sure that I have mis-spelt something but I don't know what...  
><strong>  
><strong>Review Acknowledgments :<strong>

**IronMikeTyson: I'm glad that it made you laugh.**

**sadist: Same as above comment.**

**Demon-Thief: I am happy that it made you 'LOL' and also, thanks, I try to write well but I ust don't have the time and I am usually tired. It makes it all worth it to know that someone appreciates you're work.**

**ConstanceContraire-CASTLE: I once again thank you for you're idea's and if I didn't implement them in this chapter then I will soon. Also, I share you're love of CASTLE. It...Is...AWESOMENESS!**

** Well, so ends another Chapter (those of you taking a breath of relief can get out).**

**Till then...**

**No One-Liners! **


	3. If An Elf Could Cry

**A/N: Well, I had a few complaints from people in PM about where this story was headed so I've decided to make this story 'implied' only, despite my arguments. Enjoy this story, I hope you weren't expecting lemons because so was I.**

**Chapter**** 3:**

After Thorn had expressed his love for Saphira and Eragon had been filled in on what had occurred while he was unconscious, the group once again settled down and continued their game.

It was Thorn's turn.

He and Saphira were lying next to each other with a look of deep love in their eyes and it took some coaxing from an impatient group of people to finally get through to his love struck dragon.

Wanting it to end so he and his love interest could talk, he fixed one large, beady eye on Solembum and smiled a big toothy grin before asking:

"_Solembum, be it Truth Or Dare for you_?"

In the middle of cleaning his paw with his tongue everyone waited patiently for him to speak, Angela had pulled out her wool and had started speed knitting a while ago.

Eventually he knew he could not put it off any longer unless he wanted a bald paw. He responded to Thorn's question, saying:

"_Dare_."

"_I dare you to, when their time is up,to kiss Nasuada on the lips without any warning_."

Obviously happy with himself after the seething werecat shot him a nasty glare, he proceeded to turn back to Saphira and the group chose to ignore the pair. This became increasingly hard as the pair started humming together.

Since Solembum's Dare could only occur when Nasuada rejoined them it was now his turn.

"_Eragon, Truth Or Dare_."

Remembering what had happened the last time he had said Dare he went with Truth.

"_Okay, answer me this, what is you're greatest fear, you're greatest desire, and...who is you're favourite cat_?"

Eragon couldn't help but giggle at the last part of the question but he replied nonetheless.

Answering with his voice because he was concentrating really hard at blocking out the thoughts and images his very horny dragon was sending to Thorn.

"My greatest fear is something bad happening to the people I love."

"My greatest desire is for peace and prosperity to once again flow to the free people of Alagaesia while me and Saphira settle down with the people and...er...dragons we love."

He paused here, not knowing if this was a joke or if the cat would conspire against him for after his answer like he knew Orik was doing even now. He was already fearing for his hair and he didn't need to add another to his list of people to watch out for.

He thought carefully before answering:

"As for my favourite cat...I don't dislike you per say...but you could give people better answers instead of leading them on with tantalising and frustrating hints that cause a lot of grief and uncertainty. Therefore, I have to say that my only feeling's towards you are neutral so I'll have to go with Maud for my favourite cat."

Solembum's eye twitched.

_Bet you didn't foresee that answer_, he thought smugly to himself.  
>Said angry were-kitty replied to Eragon's answer with this:<p>

"_Beware Eragon, I foresee great and instant pain the the 'very' near future_."

Eragon turned pale, he didn't know if it was a threat of if the cat was happy that one of his visions had Eragon being hacked apart or some other gruesome death.

Moving on however Eragon asked, in a meek voice, this question to Orik:

"Grimstborith Orik, Truth Or Dare."

Instantly, the very inebriated and unhappy dwarf slurred back to Eragon:

"Dare ye' bleedin' heart out mate, by Korgan's beard -hiccup- I'll no' lose to any of ye' when it comes to mine honour."

When he took a moment to think about what to put this Dwarf through while at the same time maintaining his friendship with the bald faced dwarf, his concentration lapsed for just a second but that was all he needed to see the scenario his 'very' dirty dragon was playing out with Thorn.

His ears turned red and, with both his voice and his mind called out in shock and embarrassment:

"SAPHIRA!"

She barely gave the over-emotional teenager a thought before she said to the table at large:

"_Is there anywhere we could get some...privacy...for maybe the next hour or so? We tire of this game and would like to...rest...in each other's company...alone."_

While everyone sitting at the table turned red with embarrassment, Shruikan agreed and showed the pair to a large, oak beamed gate that was raised just high enough for Shruikan to get in and out comfortably.

He then led them to a smaller closed off chamber that was just large enough for them to crawl into. He explained the pillow-strewn floor by saying:

"_This was where I was raised until I became too large for this chamber. I haven't slept here in over fifty years_."

Thanking him for the accommodation he turned and left, but just he reached the large gate he turned back just in time to see Saphira tackle Thorn into the chamber, a lusty look on her face before they disappeared inside.

Chuckling to himself about young dragon's these days he walked back to the group who were watching Orik go through fifty founds of mead in one minute.

When he reached the appropriate number he placed the flagon down on the table one last time, gave a bleary cheer and fell flat on his arse.

After Arya and Izlanzadi both lifted him back into his chair they decided to move on to person of the Dare Cards choosing.

Spinning the bottle once again, the tip of it suddenly faced downwards and lighted on one of the two decks lying forgotten in he middle of the table.

The group had wondered what they were for the entire time but hadn't bothered to investigate their use because they were too preoccupied.

That's when Galbatorix explained that if the bottle dropped down and pointed to a certain deck, they would take the card from the top and the whole group would do what ever was on that card. If they didn't, they would have to repeat the process with the other deck, even if it was only one person who refused.

It was to everyone's relief when they noticed it had alighted on the blue deck of cards marked 'Truth'.

They expected it to be something easy and easy to handle but when the king pulled the card from the top and read it, his face paled, and for someone who had spent the last few years of his life stuck inside a castle while not seeing any sunlight whatsoever for the whole time, that was a very noticeable change.

Tacking a gulp, Galbatorix read out the small sentence to the group:

"Name a person playing with you that you have had a crush on."

Embarrassment...thy name is 'Truth Or Dare'.

Those who didn't pale as old Galby' had instead turned a bright red. All of them though, wished they could sink into the floor, all except Orik who had done one better and had sunk into a drunken coma from which he wouldn't recover for some time.

Nar Gharzvog spoke then, saying:

"I know none of you here but I will say that I respect Lady Nightstalker for her combat prowess and intelligence so I would have to go with her."

After he had made his statement the rest of the group seemed to loosen up and replied with ever-increasing frivolity, that is until they reached Arya and Izlanzadi, both of whom refused to answer.

If they didn't they would have to take the Dare Card instead and they didn't want that, Angvard knows what it could contain on the other side of that maroon card and no-one wanted to find out.

However, they still refused and Galbatorix, very reluctantly, slid the Truth Card to the bottom its deck, grabbed the Dare Card and slowly read it, each line making him look more and more freaked out until, finally, he raised his head to the group before his that was holding their breath and said:

"Each member of the assemble players has to change clothing with the person on their left, in front of everyone. ALL items must be removed."

If it weren't for the strength of the castle, it would have fallen as soon as the great, black dragon fell flat on his back shaking with intense laughter. There was debris falling from the ceiling and his breath brought with it a small gale.

None of them seemed to notice this however as they were each giving each other a look of horror. If it was just the men or women they would have had no problem, but with members of both sex and at least three different races, most of them felt tempted to test Galbatorix's shield-thingy with their bodies.

Then, with a much to haughty look for his species Nar Gharzvog looked to his left, plastered a big smile on his face, and held out an eager hand for Angela's clothing. Next to her she was looking past the small form that was Solembum, past the slumped heap that was Orik and to the only other person there...Galbatorix.

Galbatorix however was looking frightened as he carefully held a hand out a hand for Arya's clothing while she had a similar look on her face, staring at Eragon.

If the rest of them looked freaked out Eragon was the second from the top because he had to trade clothes with a queen who, as he had seen earlier that day during the battle outside, could rip a man limb from limb and not even slow her stride.

Izlanzadi however, took the cake for next to her, grinning stupidly to the woman on his left, stood the amused Kull.

He look turned to one of shock when all he handed her to cover her chest was a sort of net-suit.

The inhabitant's of the room all felt like crying out in pain, embarrassment and happiness.

Their cries of disbelief however, were drowned out by the large mountain behind them giggling like a pansy.

**A/N: Well, I hope you liked my attempt to write this chapter, I know I failed miserably but this is just a lead-up for those of you who like to see the whiny, book-ruining bitch Eragon get the living shit kicked out of him by not just one, but two half-naked female elves...-wink-!**

**Review Acknowledgments :**

**'IronMikeTyson': Thank you for the review and the thing about Eragon...how is he smart in any way? Also, this story will now only be Rated M because of the 'implied' stuff. If I'd had my way I would have written chapter's worth or...well...you know.**

**' ': If only it were that simple, but no, we need the whiny bitch because Saphira would eat me otherwise.**

**'bluestargirl1': Thank you and I'll try.**

**Till then...**

**No One-Liners! **


	4. Behind Closed Doors

**A/N: Well sexy ladies and handsome gents, another chapter to add to the list of complete randomness that I have wrought. Review and...DO YOUR WORST!**

**Chapter 4:**

_Outside Uru'baen_:

"Okay lads, it seems that they failed or else they'd be back by now. Looks like its up to us to storm the castle and kill the dragon."

Jormunder had a wry smile at the irony of that sentence. It wasn't just a random phrase anymore, now, now it was real life.

"Let's get those doors open shall we!"

He and twenty of his best lined up, ready to run in when the great doors were opened. The last group had gone in through a side passage but the Varden were to take it in a head on assault. So saying, there was the rest of the army behind them waiting for the doors to open and Jormunder's spearhead to 'prod the beast', so to speak.

Nodding to the ten men posted on either side of the door, he raised his sword over his head, called his battle cry and ran into the unknown.

_Inside Uru'baen: The King's Chamber_:

"You cannot be serious!" Cried an enraged Arya to Galbatorix.

"Hey, I would say no if I could but if you don't the cards will send you away to limbo until the game is over, I've been there and its a place even I'M scared of."

"Well it sounds better than the situation we are in now, can we go back to the Truth Card, I'll be damned before I- Done!" Cried a now naked Angela.

Everyone stared, then every guy in the room suddenly turned red and realised what they were doing and looked away, while all the women in the room stared longer, shocked.

Handing her clothes to a very, very amused Nar Gharzvog, she plodded over to Galbatorix and held out her hand, a sly grin on her face.

"Well, well, well, oh how the mighty have fallen eh Galby'."

Said un-might person spluttered back, trying not to look down, trying very hard indeed:

"But...what...oh...alright."

He slowly stripped down to his breeches and, at a nod from the now impatient Angela, passed them to her.

She proceeded to first put on the pants, followed by the shirt and finally the robe and the Broddering Crown.

You could see her smug face as old Galby' tried to hide 'himself'.

He looked hopefully to Arya and was hit in the face her shirt, closely followed by her bra, pants and -sigh from Arya- panties.

After this she looked to her left and was shocked to see her mother wearing nothing but a loincloth and a net suit that did not hide anything. Also, the clothes were so large that she had to sit down again to have any semblance of decency, one arm hiding her breasts.

Now it was Eragon's turn, he had already seen Arya naked...but Arya naked standing up, facing him and asking him for his clothes was a fantasy come true. He stripped eagerly, and handed her his clothes while she tried to avoid looking down just as much as old Galby' had with Arya.

After this he tried to squeezer in Izlanzadi's favourite tunic and pants -she waned to kill in style- only to have the tunic rip as soon as he bent down to pull up the pants.

As soon as he heard the rip his heart sank.

"Was that...my SHIRT!"

Now realising that he had broken the only thing that she could cover herself with after the game, he tried to run only to trip on his chair and landed on none other than Arya who was still trying to pull up Eragon's pants. She dropped them out of surprise and now a half-naked Eragon was lying on top of a half-naked Arya.

Angela counted:  
>"Three."<p>

"Two."

"One."

"ERAGON -SMACK-."  
>He went flying back towards Izlanzadi, who sent a kick back at him.<p>

-SMACK-

He was then flying back to Arya who then proceeded to grab hi shoulders and, using his momentum, flung him across the room and into the wall with a crunch and a couple of snaps.

Checking to see if he was still alive, Angela dragged his again unconscious body back and put him back in his chair, placing a couple of wards around him to make sure they didn't kill him as soon as they woke.

Now that they had exchanged clothes, Galbatorix spun the bottle again for their greatly diminished group, it had just settled on Angela when their came a piercing cry from where Murtagh and Nasuada had disappeared, not of pain...but of pleasure.

Blushing furiously, the whole group awaited Angela's question, they didn't wait long:

"_Shruikan, Truth Or Dare_."

Obviously happy that they were now including him, he thought of his answer before stating it:

"_Truth_."

"Okay, -Angela was speaking for the whole group to hear- do you have a love interest?"

"_How would I have a love interest, the only female dragon in existence is making purple dragon babies in my old room_."

Angela raised an eyebrow at him.

"_Oh, you mean one of you two-legs-not-eat_?"  
>Arya raised an eyebrow at Galbatorix who complained about being in a castle to long before nodding at Shruikan.<p>

"_Okay, I suppose that I do have one love interest. Galbatorix, remember that young village girl that was in here three days ago? Well she and me talked and she seemed like a nice person so I'll go with her_."

Satisfied with his answer she nodded for him to proceed.

"_Okay, Izlanzadi, Truth Or Dare_?"

"_Dare_."

"_I Dare you...to sit in Gharzvog's lap for ten minutes_."

Reverting back to speaking elvish so she could swear, she walked over to a beaming Gharzvog who was obviously happy how the day had turned out for him.

Just as she was carefully sitting down however, the whole room shook with a roar that obviously came from Saphira, from where Eragon had slipped under the table unknowingly so as to avoid the evil glares from the two elves seated either side of him, the whole group the phrase:  
>"PURPLE LITTLE DRAGON BABIES!"<p>

The room was silent for a second before everyone erupted into laughter.

"When said giggling subsided, all of them looked expectantly at Izlanzadi who, with the shaking of the room, had fallen into the happy Kulls lap.

If she wasn't blushing now, she was when he raised a clawed hand nad placed some stray hair back behind her ear.

Still blushing, Izlanzadi said to Arya:

"Truth or Dare Daughter?"

"Truth."

"Did you sleep with Faolin?"

"WHAT!"  
>"Did you sleep with -I heard you but its just that I don't believe what I'm hearing."<p>

"Well, did you?"

After some silence she replied:

"We never slept together."

"Fine, did you have sex together?"  
>Shocked at her mother's bluntness she replied, in a meek voice:<p>

"Yes."

"That's my girl." Said a happy Izlanzadi.

Blushing furiously, she turned to Eragon, then to Galbatorix and finally settled on Orik who had joined the game a few seconds ago complaining about a headache.

"Orik, Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare lass, I may be drunk but I can still best you lot."

Shruikan snorted.

"Okay, I dare you to go and watch Saphira and Thorn for five minutes and come back and tell us."

Orik, not knowing what they had heard or why they were gone, got directions to the room and left amid many snickers.

Shruikan then thought to all of them:

"_Three!"_

"_Two!"_

"_One!"_

"Helzvog's BEARD, WHAT IN THE HELL...ARHHHHHH!"

"_And my job is done_." Said the smug, black dragon.

Then from down the hall came a large, frojected, ANGRY female thought:

"_ORIIIK_!"

Then there came a scream and out bolted a very scared dwarf with a very, VERY mad pair of dragon's in close pursuit.

From Saphira there came the thought:

"_Stop running so I Can EAT YOU_!"

**Q/N: Well, I know my chapter's are getting shorter so bear with me. Also, thank you to those people who reviewed.**

**Review Acknowledgments :**

**'IronMikeTyson': Agreed, Agreed and so damn true.**

**'Demon-Thief': I agree with all of you're review and to answer you're questions, wait and see, remember how Solembum promised him swift pain in the 'very' near future...well..., Galbatorix has a shield thing as explained in the first chapter.**

**Till then...**

**No One-Liners! **


	5. Busted, BIG TIME!

**A/N: Well, here it is, another segment of insanity. It's not funny because I'm not funny...I'm not...stop laughing...seriously...I'm not funny...STOP LAUGHING!**

**Chapter 5:**

Orik ran as fast as his stocky little legs could carry him but it wasn't fast enough.

Saphira pinned him with her front-right foot before he'd even made it halfway to the table. Growling, Saphira brought her head right down to his so they could see eye to eye:

"_Orik, if you ever walk in on us when we're having...fun ever again, I WILL eat you and any children you may have. Clear_?"

Orik replied:

"We're clear! Clear as stone, just please don't eat me!"

"_Hmm, I'm not convinced_."

"Please by the living stone, LET ME GO PLEASE!"

Grinning in that draconic way Saphira lifted her paw up and watched as Orik ran to the table and dived under it.

Watching the two dragons retreat through the gate, humming and nuzzling each other the whole way, they almost didn't hear Orik asking if they were gone yet:

Eragon replied:

"They're gone Orik, its safe to come out now."

Slowly looking out from underneath a chair he said that he was right and climbed back into his chair. After that the laughter started at the scene they had just witnessed, Orik glaring at Arya.

"Orik, its your turn."

Smiling evilly, he turned to Nar Gharzvog and said:

"Urgal, Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare, and I have a name Dwarf."

After a grunt and a small amount of thought, Orik stated his Dare:

"I Dare you to kiss the person closest to you."

Izlanzadi's face paled and she tried to jump out of Gharzvog's lap but the Kull didn't give her a chance to do more than twitch as he put both of his large hands on either side of her face, leaned his head down and kissed her.

_Izlanzadi's POV:  
>"No no no no no no NOOOO...argh...oh...ooooh...yes!"<em>

After a couple of seconds of her trying to pry her face from his grip she relaxed, then, after a minute, wrapped her arms loosely around his head and kissed back, hard.

If they all looked disgusted when he'd started kissing, they around the table looked horrified when she continued it.

Trying to ignore the two Arya looked away to see her face mirrored in Eragon's own.

When the pair finally broke the kiss Izlanzadi was blushing and Gharzvog was grinning like an idiot.

Trying to get over the disturbing scene Galbatorix said:

"Uh...Izlanzadi...its...uh...you're turn."

Still blushing she said to Galbatorix:  
>" Truth Or Dare?"<p>

"Dare."

"I Dare you to bark like a dog, mewl like a cat and roar like a dragon, in that order."

"No problem."

He stood up and climbed onto the table, raising his arms in a sweeping gesture, started to bark.

Hard Laughter.

Mewled like a cat.

Roaring laughter.

Then, he lifted his head up and roared.

He could have put Thorn to shame with his voice. It caused the table to vibrate and everyone had to clamp their hands over their ears.

Afterwards he sat back in his chair, leaned forward and put his elbows on the table, steepled his fingers and looked at Solembum, raising an eyebrow.

Sighing, Solembum said to the group:

"_I shall say a Truth but first, it is time to check on Nasuada and Murtagh_."

Drawing their eyes to the hourglass they saw that it was indeed empty.

Walking slowly over to the door, they all bunched up outside and, stifling giggles, threw the door open and ran it.

The girls averted their eyes shamefully, the guys punched the air I triumph and Solembum just stared.

For, lying on the bed under the covers, were a naked Nasuada and Murtagh. Both of them were red in the face from embarrassment and exhaustion.

Seeing them barge in made Murtagh startled and embarrassed but after they didn't leave he jumped up holding a pillow to his privates, unsheathed Za'roc and chased them from the room.

Then, after locking the door and placing some wards over it to prevent any tampering, and turned back to Nasuada saying:  
>"Now, where were we?"<p>

He let the pillow drop and Nasuada smiled.

_Back Outside The Room:_

"Well, that was...interesting." Said a still grinning Angela as she took her seat again.

Eragon replied:

"I knew they would get together eventually, but HERE?"

He threw his arms up and gestured around the room at random.

Shruikan smirked in that draconic way of his and said:

"_What Eragon, just jealous that you didn't get to have sex with Arya before Murtagh did it with Nasuada_?"

Eragon blushed, quickly followed by Arya, quickly followed by a "Hear Hear", from Izlanzadi.

"MOTHER!"

"What, its time you got me some heirs, GO, go and get me some heirs!"

Knowing her mother was slightly drunk from the ever-filling cups of mead, she didn't blame her for acting so boisterous. But that still didn't make the fact that she was telling her to copulate with someone she had only known for a year any easier.

Also, her time to sit on Gharzvog's lap ran out long ago so she didn't understand why she was still sitting there.

Then:

"_Ahem, I do believe it is my turn to be dared, correct_?"

Galbatorix replied:

"Yes, I Dare you to...hmm...ah, I know...I Dare you to beat Orik in a drinking constest."

"Heeey, how come its always me doing the drinking challenges", said a suspicious Orik.

"Well..."

He thought before coming up with an answer:

"Its because only the Dwarfs know how to REALLY drink."

Looking smug at his answer he replied:

"Well then, lets get this show on the road, I'd hate to disrespect my race."  
>"Oh for joy, for joy." Sighed an annoyed Solembum. He then changed into his human form and accepted the clothes that Angela was holding out to him.<p>

Once he was dressed, the small, shaggy haired boy sat down with orik and raised the flagon to his lips, tipped it back and gulped it down in one go.

Orik stared at him in amazement and said:

"Where did ye' learn to drink like that?"

"Oh, here and there. Being a few hundred years old do you really think this is my first time drinking?"  
>The silence afterward answered his question form him and he took another draught, the same result occurring and he watched as the large, metal mug refilled itself.<p>

Realising he was falling behind, Orik downed his and after it was refilled drained that one too.

They continued as such for another half-hour before Orik's vision started to flicker.

Ten minutes after that he finally put his mug down and said to Solembum:  
>"I hash yet to meet somun sutsh as yershelf that could beat me in a drinkin' contesht. Congratshulations!"<p>

With his hands still above his head in a mock celebration his eyes dimmed and he copied his actions from a few hours earlier, and promptly fell down, his mock happy face in the same position.

After this Solembum took one more draught and walked back over to sit beside Angela.

When he did she raised her hand in a high five and he grinned and copied her hand gesture.

The clap echoed throughout the room.

Then the air was split by a large explosion that made more debris fall from the ceiling.

Then, through the haze of dust and smoke there was the roaring of many throats and the room was suddenly filled with nearly half the Varden, their weapons drawn and pointing at the group seated around the table.

Then Jormunder walked to up to the table and...stared.

He stared at the elf queen sitting in the lap of Nar Gharzvog.

He stared at a passed out Orik, still in a celebratory pose.

He stared at Galbatorix who was wearing a way to small tunic and leggings.

He stared at the whole group for being dressed in a similar manner.

He stared when Solembum did a wobbly wave and fell out of his chair, unconscious.

He stared when a blanket wrapped Nasuada and Murtagh emerged from a side door.

He stared when one of his men ran out of a large gate, screaming and crying for his life.

He stared.

Then:

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?"

Then, Orik sat up straight and yelled:

"AHH, PURPLE DRAGON BABIES!"

Then fell over again, snoring.

**A/N: Finally...its the end of chafive, those of you who haven't died of boredom I'm sorry...I truly am, especially if it was any of you family that died or bore- STOP LAUGHING! -stabs-**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

**'bluestargirl1': Thank you, thank you and I'll try to do it when they go back to the camp (spoilers)...(shh).**

**'IronMikeTyson': Thank you, I try.**

**'Demon-Thief': Yes, maybe, yes, yes and no, I need MOAR questions. I hope that I did as well.**

**' ': A kindred spirit, other's pain makes me laugh and when its a whiny little bitch like Eragon (who mistreats Saphira) I always wish they made him suffer more. Consider it one of my pet hates.**

**'douneedtoknow': Thank you, I try and swear to you're heart's content.**

**Now, just to some people. The reason I put the last line at the bottom of the page (No One-Liner's!) is because I don't get enough feedback from ONE LINE REVIEWS. It annoys me when I get ONE LINE REVIEWS and when I get annoyed I don't write...get the picture. Also, I am a VERY mean person. I laugh at babies, how much meaner can you get.**

**Till then...**

**- No One-Liner's! - **


	6. How Random Is This?

**A/N: I know that these chapter's are becoming increasingly un-funny but I am trying to keep it...original...but I have read to many abandoned stories like this to not leave out the really funny, awesome bits.**

**Chapter 6:**

"Come Shruikan, let us be off to quest for more answers...also, Angela."

At this he looked at Angela and said:

"Stay Sexy, and remember our date."

With that he raised his hands up above his head and waved his arms above his head and he and Shruikan disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

When the smoke finally cleared Angela's clothes were sitting on the table neatly folded.

Then, Jormunder said in a deathly quiet voice:

"Okay, we are going to go back to the camp...NOW!"

Turning to his troops, most of whom were trying to catch a glimpse as a semi-naked Izlanzadi, and said:  
>"If any of you breath a word of this, you will be executed, IMMEDIATELY!"<p>

Turning back to the group and staring at Nasuada as she retreated behind the door to get dressed again.

_Back At The Varden's Camp:_

No-one moved.

No-one spoke.

The group of people sat in silence for a couple of hours.

Saphira and Thorn had to be called by their respective riders and when they emerged, a sweet, pungent smell wafting off the pair, they both turned pink. Even Thorn.

Jormunder, after giving the group privacy to redress, had frogmarched them back to Nasuada's red command pavilion where the pair of dragon's stuck their heads in through a couple of tent flaps that were pulled back for the purpose.

There they were told to sit while Jormunder oversaw the subjugation of any rebellious citizens in the large city of Uru'baen.

It wasn't until late in the afternoon that he finally came back worn, bloodied and pissed off.

Strolling in, he casually walked over to his chair at the end of the table, opposite Nasuada's, sat, and nodded.

Taking that as a hint to begin Nasuada began to relay the events of the day, describing everything in detail. Every now and then one of the group would speak up in case she'd missed something and, after another two hours, said:

"...and that's when you came in and Galbatorix disappeared. Well, that's it." She stated lamely.

Jormunder was stock still, his face an unemotional mask.

Finally, after the uncomfortably long silence, he spoke, slowly:

"I see how you had no choice to play along...but you could have tried harder to take him out after you realised you could move. Also, I would like to personally welcome Thorn and Murtagh into the Varden and would also like to congratulate you, Thorn and Saphira -smirk- on your pregnancy."

Trying not fall out of his chair in outright laughter when Nasuada had said the phrase, 'PURPLE DRAGON BABIES' had tested his fortitude to the limit and he was trying to take his mind off it.

After his sentence the tension that had unknowingly built up in the group finally loosened somewhat. The only thing that kept them from relaxing completely was not only the fact that Galbatorix and Shruikan had escaped, it was because they had done nothing to stop him.

Now that Jormunder had heard what had happened he began to ask them more questions, paying close attention to Nar Gharzvog's and Izlanzadi's prolonged kiss.

Raising an eyebrow at the pair where they sat with their hands in the other's grip, Izlanzadi blushed while Gharzvog smiled, raising his head and baring his neck proudly.

Then, catching them all off guard, he said:  
>"Well, this game certainly sounds fun, and it seems that there is no immediate threat. I need something to help me loosen up after a day's fighting and this sounds like just what I need."<p>

Silence...then:

"Why not, its either that or the first person who gives up gets to report to Orrin." Said a smirking Nasuada, walking over to Murtagh and sitting in his lap.

The others voiced their accent and Izlanzadi and Arya sung a round table from the massive wooden one and the accompanying chairs from Nasuada's wooden throne.

When they were finally seated, Orik surprised them by up-ending a sack on the table and out spilled the ever-filling flagon's that Galbatorix, as well as his vast hoard of treasure and eldunari, had left behind. He'd sealed the tops with waxed Hessian so nothing would spill and as they selected their cups from the pile, they peeled it off.

After Saphira and Thorn had flown back to the keep to retrieve their respected barrels of endless mead, the game began...again.

Picking up a bottle from where it had been hiding under Orrin's chair, Jormunder drained it before placing it in the centre of the table and spinning.

It slowed down and the tip landed on Saphira and she said:

"Truth."

Jormunder replied:

"Tell us your opinion of Eragon."  
>Eragon looked up at her and smiled, only to see a mischievous look spread out on her beautiful dragon face:<p>

"_Let's see...he complains to much about everything that doesn't go his way so he's a whiny bitch sometimes, he is very rude to a lot of people even if they are trying to be nice to him, he's very neglectful of his duties, I mean who leaves a day old dragon alone in the woods to defend for herself, half hoping that she would just fly away to save himself the problem, that makes him sick minded as well. Lastly, he just doesn't listen to reason, he won't stop chasing Arya until either she hurts him until he can't walk or I finally get annoyed enough to step on him_."

By the end of her tirade the only eyes that weren't dry from laughing were Eragon's. He was all teary eyed and he ran from the tent, crying.  
>Arya followed him, knowing that if she didn't he would be bitter to everyone afterward.<p>

After they left Saphira finished with:

"_He's also a sulky emo_."

After they had recovered from their mirth, Saphira said to Angela:

"_Angela, Truth Or Dare_?"

"Dare."

"_I dare you to cut a lemon and suck on all the pieces at once_."

She scowled as said lemon was tossed to her from one of Gharzvog's many belt pouches and she cut it until it was in eight pieces.

Then, with a dirty look at Saphira, she popped all the pieces in her mouth...and sucked.

_Angela's POV:_

"_Damn...damn...damn...damn...ARGH, I'll get back at you Saphira, one day, you shall taste my wrath, and it'll taste just like this lemon_!"

With a smug look plastered on her draconic face at her thoughts and the fact that the fortune-teller's lips had disappeared into her face.

After a minute she spit out the lemons and, through ever lengthening draughts of mead asked:

"Jormunder, -sip- Truth Or Dare -sip- ?"

"Truth."

"Tell us the -sip- most embarrassing thing -sip- that's ever happened -sip- to you?"

"Well, I was at this tavern in Aberon once and I got drunk. The last thing I remember was looking in to the bottom of an empty cup, then I woke up with three women in my bed, as well as a massive headache."

"I don't see how that's embarrassing." Said a panting Angela.

"It was the fact that the youngest one was older than my mother would be now that got me."

He visibly shuddered and the rest of the people in the pavilion gagged and choked on their mead, trying to get the image out of their heads.

They were all in the middle of a comfortable silence when Izlanzadi jumped up and pumped her fist through the air, a big grin alighting her features.

When she again resumed her seat the group asked her why she merely said:

"Saphira, see how Eragon is doing."

"_I can't, he blocked me out after I told him what I thought of him_."

"I guarantee that he will be too...distracted to notice your presence in his mind."

Saphira flicked a tendril of thought in Eragon's direction, turning it into a flowing river after what she discovered and her face lit up in a lusty grin, Eragon's emotions affecting her.

"_Oh, I see what you mean now_."

After that she immediately walked away from the tent and took of, making sure Thorn got the hint with a flick of her mind and a release of her scent.

Bugling his happiness, he rocketed after her and they disappeared into the night sky, frolicking through the air.

They turned to Izlanzadi and she elaborated:

"Eragon and Arya...made up."

While some of them didn't believe her, the other's slapped their knees, yelling their disbeliefs for all to hear.

Then when all had quieted down, Izlanzadi voiced her thought's saying:

"Well its about time she settled down and I WAN'T GRANDCHILDREN."

Then all of a sudden it was Jormuder's turn and then he turned to Nasuada:

"Nasuada, Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"When did you first realize you loved Murtagh?"

"Well..."

Se paused to look at said dragon rider affectionately before answering:

"When I met him in the castle, he just took my breath away. He's so strong and handsome and..."

She stopped and blushed. When it was obvious that she was done answering, she then asked Truth Or Dare of Murtagh.

"Dare." He replied without hesitation.

"I dare you to rub noses with Nar Gharzvog."  
>Silence.<p>

Everybody watched as Murtagh paled and looked at a now frowning Ghatzvog.  
>Slowly, acting as if he was walking to his death, as he very well might be he realised, he didn't notice when he had stopped in front of Gharzvog who had stood.<p>

Before doing the dare however the Kull said to the group:

"I swear, if any of what transpired here reaches anyone's ears besides our own, I'll skin you and take your skulls as my trophies."

Knowing he was dead serious they stifled their giggles for a few seconds to agree to the terms, none of them wanted the nights events to become public.

After getting their word, he crouched down and brought his head close to Murtagh's.

Murtagh would have shit himself right then and there if Nasuada wasn't watching, he then leaned forward and, feeling like he was seconds away from intense, searing pain, touched noses with the scary, monster-sized urgal before him.

Far away, the whole camp heard the sound of a dragon roaring in laughter.

**A/N: Okay, love it, hate it (most likely) or just comment on the VERY frequent spelling errors that I know I missed. I will be happy with any if I keep getting the awesome reviews my VERY, VERY patient audience has been sending me. Speaking of reviews...**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

**'IronMikeTyson': Hey, if you've been a widow for 100+ years you would be falling over any 'affection' shown towards you as well. Keep up the awesome reviews.**

**' ': I bet it was a weird scene for people who just skipped right to chapter five but you're a proper reader. Also, disturbing story, Shruikan IS hilarious and Izlanzadi, as mentioned in the chapter, was a bit drunk. Also, one more crack about her and Eragon and Arya just might annihilate her mother with impunity.**

**'Demon-Thief': Thank you, and, in answer you you're questions...yes, yes, maybe in later chapters but I'm bworried about this story dragging on so maybe not, probably not, Old Galby' (they were having a mental conversation the whole time (shh, spoilers), you'll find out soon enough and lastly, Wow, I've never had a follower before. You Get A Cookie!**

**'bluestargirl1': Thank you and...he might.**

**'guy who cannot login': I agree, MOAR AxE NOW...oh...right. Okay, I'll post an accompanying story...maybe.**

**'douneedtoknow': Awesome, thank you, yes and I SHALL!**

**'Morzan's Elvish Daughter': Thank you, though I think I am starting to drag-on (get it) the joke. **

**'douneedtoknow (again)': It includes everybody, I don't mind but I like feedback. If you want t One-Liner go ahead but otherwise I don't know that the audience wants. Also, thank you, I always found myself UN-awesome.**

**Okay, don't worry, you won't have to suffer my terrible writing skills much longer, this is just a notice. I want to know what you, the reader's, want. This story is for you and you alone and I would greatly appreciate it if all of you would leave at least one thing you would like to see in this story. **

**Till then...**

**No One-Liners! **


	7. BABIES, BABIES EVERYWHERE!

**This chapter proves that I am VERY unfunny and anyone who laughs...I'll send a purple dragon baby to you're house where it will proceed to eat you...bit by bit (this is mainly a danger to guys 'cause they won't harm girls). So watch out when you go to the loo.**

**Chapter 7:**

They rubbed noses.

The whole tent burst into laughter.

Murtagh turned red...well...redder.

Gharzvog turned...Gharzvog.

Then, just as they were stopping, a messenger ran in unannounced and fainted dead away at the sight of the fearsome Murtagh rubbing noses with the even more fearsome Nar Gharzvog.

They all rushed to help him up and it turned out to be Jarsha.

They brought him to a chair and dabbed some water on his forehead, then they just left him until he woke up.

During this, Murtagh had replaced himself next to Nasuada and Gharzvog did the same, sitting next to Izlanzadi.

It was Murtagh's turn. He turned his head slowly to the right and said to Solembum:

"Oh Solembum, Truth Or Dare."

"Truth."

"How old are you, really?"

"I can't remember exactly but I'd say around a couple thousand years old, maybe more. Also, don't forget that I'm young for my race."

Dumbstruck, Murtagh leaned back in his chair.

Taking this as a sign to continue, Solembum asked:

"Angela, Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to tell us what Galbatorix meant when he said that you and him had a date."

Angela freaked at his words and squealed:

"Oh Crap, I forgot!"

So saying she picked up Solembum and he and her disappeared in a puff of green smoke. After said smoke cleared, sitting on Angela's chair was a green frog wearing a hat like Angela's. It looked blearily around before hopping out of the tent.

There was another flash from outside and the smell of burnt ozone and they knew that the witch was now gone.

Orik said:

"Ooooooookaaaay...that was weird."

Murtagh responded:

"Excuse me, have you not been paying attention?"to the WHOLE...FUCKING ...DAY!"

Jormunder spun the bottle.

In walked Blodgharm.

The bottle stopped on him.

Everyone stared.

"What?" Asked a confused, hairy elf.

Izlanzadi replied:

"Blodgharm Vodhr, Truth Or Dare?"

Now he was startled, he'd just come over to see what was making all the smoke and now he was being asked to sit down and play a game, by his QUEEN no less.

He did the only thing he could...he sat...and he played.

"Truth."

"Why did you change you're body to that of a cat?"

"'Cause cats are awesome."

Appearing satisfied by his answer, she said:

"It is you're turn."

"Okay, Grimstnborith Orik, Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to run through the camp naked."

"NO!"

The five other people at the table looked at Orik, he'd never 'not' done a request.

"Okay Master Dwarf. Nasuada, what is the punishment for those who don't do a Dare?"

"Well, back in the citadel we had a deck of cards to do it for us. Now that we don't have one..."

Out of nowhere, Izlanzadi raised her hands up in the air and the two decks of cards from earlier flew out of her sleeves and neatly stacked them selves in the center of the table.

Gharzvog piped up:

"How long were they hiding under there?"

"The whole time, I just wanted to give them an awesome entry."

Gharzvog smirked and pulled her closer to him where they started kissing again.

The whole table erupted into laughter at the look on Blodgharm's face. It was one of extreme horror with a little disgust mixed in.

"But...my queen...what would Evandar sa..."

"My husband is dead. He's been dead for more than a hundred years and I want AFFECTION! No, not like the emotions the people give me, I mean REAL affection, love."

Blodgharm was definitely having a hard time taking this in and the group could see that. They decided to stoke the fire, each comment making him sicker than the last:

From Nasuada:

"Aww, they look like such a cute couple."

Pale Elf.

From Murtagh:

"Yeah, maybe they should get married."

Green Elf.

Then Orik leaned over and whispered silently so only he could hear:

"Little urgal babies."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The group collapsed onto the ground, their sides splitting with laughter as the blue-haired elf ran screaming from the tent."

Then Orik, proud of himself, picked up a Truth card from the center of the table and read it out to the still laughing group, his own voice still interspersed with giggles:

"Okay, -giggle- It says -Stop Laughing, I can't read it!-...-ahem-...Okay, It says -giggle- that all of us have to say our deepest, darkest secret."

Some of the people were still laughing while others looked like someone had stuck a fish up their nose.

The first one to answer was Orik because he was the one who hadn't done his dare:

"Okay, my deepest darkest secret is...I once got drunk with a few friends and we dared each other to run up Vol Turin. Anyway, we made it after three hours and a couple hundred stops and then we walked over to pay our respects to Isidar Mithrim and...I puked on it."

He stopped and turned red with shame, burying his head in his elbow.

Next came Nar Gharzvog:

"My only real secret was when I lied about how many kills I had gotten on a hunt once. I was the only survivor so there was no-one to discredit me so I told the elders that I had taken more life than I really had."

He copied Orik's move and buried his head, signaling Izlanzadi to voice her secret. However, before she got a chance, Jarsha woke up. The first thing he saw was the VERY intimidating Kull sitting next to him.

He went pale and screamed, trying to back away until Gharzvog clamped a hand over his mouth and held him close to his chest until he stopped crying in fear.

As soon as he was sure he was finished Gharzvog put him down and he instantly ran for the entrance flap.

He was stopped before he'd even gone halfway by Nasuada's voice cutting through the air.

"Jarsha, stop!"

He complied, turning around:

"Now, you came here for a reason, what was it?"

He thought hard for a second before relaying the message he had been sent to deliver an hour ago.

"Uh...um...King Orrin...uh...wished me to inform you...that...uh...he wished to see you...um...in his...uh..tent in...um...immediately."

Scowling at the annoying drunks assumption that she would come running, she asked him:

"Why did he want to see me?"

"He wanted to see you because...uh...because...um -JUST TELL US ALREADY YOU ANNOYING LITTLE GIT!-..."

Jarsha freaked at Jormunder's out burst and looked ready to run again before Nasuada shot said general a glare before saying:

"Its okay Jarsha, just take you're time."  
>Spurred on by her words Jarsha replied:<p>

"He would like to see you because...um...because he wanted to find out today's events from you."  
>He finished slowly so as to make sure he didn't trip over his words again and earned an approving look from Nasuada and she asked:<p>

"Well done Jarsha, you did a good job relaying this message to us, not many men stay on their feet long when confronted with an urgal, especially one of Nar Gharzvog's stature."

Izlanzadi interjected with:

"Not many women stay on their feet around him either!"  
>She winked at Gharzvog who took the hint and, much to the horror of everyone present, made her way out of the tent with the hulking Kull following closely.<p>

Rubbing her temples in annoyance Nasuada said:

"Great, we can't play on with so few, what are we going to do now?"

They started discussing who else would want to play when Jarsha spoke up, silencing the bickering adults:

"I...um...would like...uh...to play...with you."

Smiling, Nasuada asked:

"Jarsha, do you even know what we are playing?"

"Uh...no, But I...um...don't like seeing you...uh...annoyed when you do so much for us...um...my lady."

Snorting, Jormunder said:

"Wow, the kid's got balls to speak up, let him play my lady."

Seeing the nods around the table she finally said:

"Okay Jarsha, you can play Truth Or Dare with us."

Taking it as a sign that they wouldn't continue their previous Truth, Jormunder spun the bottle again even as Jarsha sat down.

It landed on an empty chair and Jormunder was about to spin it again when the tent was suddenly filled with purple smoke.

Then, sitting on the chair where the bottle was pointing, was smiling Galbatorix.

The first thing he did was cast a spell that prevented any noise from being heard out side the tent, then he cast a spell to put everyone back in his seats as Jarsha tried to bolt and Jormunder tried to jump across the table and cleave his head in two.

After he'd done this the first word out of his mouth was, after seeing the bottle pointing towards him:

"Dare!"

**A/N: Okay, I knew it wouldn't be funny as the others but I NEED MOAR IDEA"S! I don't have much imagination beyond the books and footy sooo...yeah.**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

**'IronMikeTyson': Thanks, but sometimes I think you give me WAY too much credit.**

**'Demon-Thief': You earned that cookie, also, you definitely give me way, WAY too much credit. ALso, who isn't concerned about Jormunder's mental health. Now, answers to you're questions...yes, in future, you know the answer as well as I do, yes, and the best...0.o...Have you read 'A Dragonistic Truth Or Dare'? Wow, someone faithful (PRESSURE!) Thanks and Keep the questions coming!**

**' ': No way, no elves die in my story and yes, Murtagh WILL humiliate himself soon. Also, Saphira's thoughts were some of my thoughts (he neglects Saphira) and people have told me to do an accompanying piece to this. A VERY M rated one.**

**'Xager-the-Chaos-King': Awesome, also, I went to you're account and found nothing about you. Write a story or something, its easier than it looks. Wow, a fan who appreciates my cooking -tear-.**

**'douneedtoknow': Thank you and I took him out because otherwise I would have had to kill everyone else, but he will definitely be back to annoy out 'heroes'. Also, thanks for the reference (for those who don't know 'Firetruck' starts with 'F' and ends with 'UCK'). Yes, it had everything to do with Arya and I edited the last chapter 'VERY' slightly snow its fixed. Keep the questions comin', FBA!**

**Now then, now that that's all over I suppose that you will now have to wait for tomorrows chapter. That or my computer will finally finish backing up and I can re-boot my computer so that means I will have to re-install my web browser and my word document. Oh for FIRETRUCKING joy (thank you 'douneedtoknow', I haven't heard that one in ages :D)**

**Till then...**

**No One-Liner's!  
>Also, a cookie to anyone that figures this out by tomorrow:<strong>

**"Atra edoc'sil mor'ranr lifa unin hjarta onr!"**


	8. Boredom

**A/N: Sorry if this chapter isn't up to standard but I have to get back into the repetition of writing.**

**Chapter 8:**

**Chapter 8:**

After several minutes of explaining to Jormunder that he wouldn't get free, he finally resigned himself to the fact that it was Galbatorix's turn.

Since Jormunder spun the bottle, and he'd had a sulk, he got to choose Galby's fate.

"I Dare you to streak through the camp."

Thinking that the black king wouldn't do it he sat down, a smug look on his face.

He was wrong.

After that a few things happened:

Galbatorix smiled.

He stripped.

The occupants of the pavilion attempted to gouge out their eyes.

Ol' Galby' ran out the tent flaps.

After they had regained their sight and burnt the image out of their minds, they noticed the sounds of alarms and screaming coming from outside.

They faintly heard someone yelling:

"Help! The Kings in the camp and he's NAKED!"

They heard the sound of running footsteps and King Orrin burst into the tent.

He gestured to the group of people in the tent rolling around, laughing their heads off.

"What ish the meaning of thish?"

The thick smell of mead and wine rolled off his tongue. He was obviously drunk.

Nasuada replied:

"-giggle- We're just playing a game of -giggle- Truth Or Dare."

In his drunken state he didn't understand much and what he did understand was blown out of proportion.

Therefore, when someone says to him 'Truth Or Dare' when he's sober, he immediately says that their mad.

When he's as inebriated as he is now, he instantly said:

"Awesome! Let's play!"

Without another word, he walked over to an unoccupied chair and sat down.

Not waiting for anyone to speak he immediately said to Nasuada:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you love me?"

He smiled at her and, two seconds later, was flat on his arse after Murtagh flew at him from across the table.

While he wailed on the drunk king, Nasuada said to Jarsha:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Uh...um...Truth, M'lady."

"When you see me, what do you think?"

He turned pale and looked at Murtagh standing next to an unconscious king and immediately said:

"Uh...Uh...Um...I...Uh...think...you look...uh...beautiful, M'lady."

Sensing the boys obvious discomfort and enjoying a silent win, she said to Murtagh:

"Come here sexy, I think you're scaring Jarsha."

From behind her came a:

"I'm not scared M'lady!"

Glare from Murtagh.

Tear from Jarsha.

Then, as Murtagh sat down again, hand in hand with Nasuada, Galbatorix came running back in and the whole group was struck blind again.

Grinning madly, he sat down, still nude and waved his clothes back on with another spell.

"Okay, who's turn is it?"

Jarsha paled and sank lower in his chair.

"Well, if no-one else wants a go then its my turn."

He turned to Murtagh.

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to peel a banana without using you're hands."

He pulled a banana out of his ear and tossed it to Murtagh.

Before he could catch it however, Nasuada snatched it out of the air and said to Murtagh:

"Ah, ah ah...If you want it, come and get it...without you're hands."

Then she put the banana in her cleavage and Murtagh's eyes lit up.

He started fishing, missing most of the time.

Galbatorix suddenly coughed and said:

"Hmm, I think this little get-together is starting to get too small, lets change that!"

So saying, he waved his hands and everyone went blind for a second before their vision re-adjusted to the light.

The table had grown to accommodate more people and had appeared in the middle of a grassy field.

Not only that, but seated around it were Murtagh, who was still trying to get the banana, Nasuada, Jarsha, Jormunder, a conscious Orrin, Galbatorix, Solembum, Angela,Nar Gharzvog, Izlanzadi, Eragon, Arya, Orik, Blodgharm, the two Ra'zac, a man no-one recognised, and the three dragons Saphira, Thorn and Shruikan.

Dazed by their surroundings, it took most of the occupants some time to realise that they were all naked.

While they cried their outrage, embarrassment and amusement, Galbatorix said:

"I'm sorry, but I can't bring clothes through."

He waved his hands and everyone was adorned in what they had been wearing last.

Then, despite the number of hostile looks, the whole group burst out laughing when the three dragons were suddenly wearing larger versions of what their rider's were wearing.

Needless to say that Saphira's and Thorn's threads were quickly charcoaled but Shruikan settled down saying that they were nice and snug.

Then it was back to glaring.

Glare.

Glare.

Then they all looked at Galbatorix.

GLARE!

He quailed under said glares, quickly saying:

"What, I was bored and frankly, you are all too interesting to leave out."

Then there were questions about why they were here, chief among them was the appearance of the Ra'zac who were supposed to be dead.

The larger one said:

"We were somewhere dark and cold. Why have you brought usssssss back to this world?"

They once again turned to Ol' Galby' who winked and said:

"Spoilers."

Seeing that all of their questions would be avoided someway and after trying to kill each other in every conceivable way, they resumed their game of Truth Or Dare.

Galbatorix then said to the group:

"Now, I'll keep the spinning bottle idea because it saves time."

So saying, he pulled the two decks of cards out of his ear and the bottle out of his pants, laid them on the table and spun.

It spun...

...and spun...

...then stopped...

...on Blodgharm.

They turned to the hair covered elf who was holding his knees, rocking back and forth and mumbling:

"Urgal babies...dragon babies...PURPLE DRAGON BABIES!"

Galbatorix waved his hand and he seemed to regain his senses, taking in the amused ooks around him as well as the bottle that was pointing towards him.

Knowing what to do he said:

"Dare."

The card flew to his hand and he read it.

The already pale elf turned a shade reminiscent of a watermelon.

"Kiss the person who reads this card."

He looked at Gharzvog to his left and Saphira to his right and did the only thing he could.

He turned himself into a fish.

The whole group looked at him flopping around on the table for a few seconds before taking in what they were seeing.

They then proceeded to fall out of their chairs laughing.

They laughed harder when the fish grew legs and took off running down the side of the hill, closely pursued by a hungry Saphira.

They heard her think:

"NOMS! I NEED NOOOOMS!"

**A/N: Thank you all for putting up with me for so long, I promised a chapter a day and I broke that promise. Therefore, I will catch up with this story and then resume putting up a chapter a day for the next three months. I DO NOT BREAK MY WORD!**

**Review Acknowledgements (SO MANY, I THANK YOU ALL):**

**'IronMikeTyson': I'm happy it does and yes, you do. I'm too mediocre for this many fans.**

**'stronghammer': Thanks, thanks and yes...YOU GET A COOKIE!**

**' ': Maybe, yes and DEFINITELY!**

**'douneedtoknow': Done and done, also, I think making them high is workable (DEMONIC GRIN)!**

**'douneedtoknow': Yes and OMG, YOU EAT DRAGONS! 0.0**

**'Xager-the-Chaos-King': NO ONE CAN STOP THE DRAGON BABIES...or the urgals. Also, maybe, yes, yes and I think you should thnk carefully before putting you're story into words, I have one that I'm doing now and I have put myself in a writer's hole that I'm trying desperately to crawl out of. If you do write a story, I WILL R&R it. **

**'TrulyWildDragonRider': I guarantee that Blodgharm will be affected by this for the rest of his life.**

**'guy who can't login': Yes, YOU GET A COOKIE TOO! Also, they were in a seperate tent...making up.**

**'Oscuro Dream': I know, I have a sick mind don't I? Also, I'm happy that it made you LOL, that's why I'm here.**

**'bluestargirl1': Don't worry, thank you, see the reviews page and I hoe you enjoyed it. **

**'WeaslyTwin3Some': I agree and I'm happy that you enjoyed it.**

**'gggggg': aticamam...also, keep reading. ^^**

**'Call of duty sucks': I shall and I hope you do.**

**' ': Done, maybe and YES! Also, Ill try and bring more people into this...game!**

**'loring638': Awesome, I was looking for some 'fresher' characters to torment. Thank you, thank you and after this story is completed I shall if I get over twenty reviews saying they want one. Once again, thank you.**

**Well, I now know for sure, you're all trying to brainwash me into thinking I know how to write. Also, as I said in the above writing, if you want me to write a sister lemon story after this is completed I'll need over twenty reviews afterwards. Also, I really want to thank all of you for encouraging me to write this story and for putting up with my absence, therefore, I promise a chapter a day after I catch up to what I've missed.**

**Also, the words at the bottom ot the previous chapter were:**

**"May Unconquerable Peace live in you're heart."**

**Those of you who got it...ENJOY YOU"RE COOKIE!**

**Till then...**

**No One-Liners! **


	9. Run, Run, RUN!

**A/N: Okay, I said I'd catch-up and this is me...catching up.**

**Chapter 9:**

Ten minutes later after Saphira caught and ate Blodgharm, Galbatorix re-spawned him back at his chair in human form and tied him down with magic...they continued.

They started with Nar Gharzvog and as the great Urgal bent down, a disgusted look in his eye, a tear escaped the restrained elf's eye.

They went clockwise around the table and when they reached Thorn, he gave him a long lick and when they reached Saphira, she reached down, trapped him, chair and all, in her maw...and swallowed.

Galbatorix re-spawned him again and the game continued after Blodgharm stopped crying and they moved him away from Saphira who kept grinning at him in her own draconic way.

They waited and he eventually said to Orik:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to dance on the table."

Smiling evilly he jumped up on the table and, to everyone's horror, took his shirt of and started doing a weird jumping dance that made EVERYTHING jiggle.

The dragons covered their eyes, the women dived under the table and the men just turned around and emptied their stomachs.

When he stopped and looked around he grinned when he saw lack of people.

Giving a bow, he hopped off the table and took his seat.

Still grinning, he said to Galbatorix:

"Truth Or Dare."

"Dare."

"I dare you to dive into that pile of dragon crap with you're mouth open."

A Truth Card flew into his hand seconds after.

The whole group groaned but listened as he read it:

"If you could smell anyone, who would you smell?"

The king immediately said:

"Angela."

She said:

"Solembum."

He immediately said:

"Saphira!"

She said:

"Don't make me eat you...and Thorn."

And so it continued until everyone was either red from embarrassment or couldn't breath 'cause they were laughing too hard.

After their confessions, the bottle spun again and landed on the unknown man.

"Dare."

He had a gruff voice and he scowled as he read the card:

"Each member of you're group must make a snow angel in dragon crap...WHAT IDIOT WROTE THESE?"

Galbatorix sunk a little deeper into his seat.

Seeing his discomfort Angela raised her hands and said to the three dragons present:

"Oh great dragons, please, bless us with you're help and help us complete our dare."

She then broke down with suppressed laughter.

Taking her request seriously however, the three dragon's walked a ways away from the table with the humans in tow and...

**-kick-...-smack-..."ARGH!"**

"**We're sorry, but the author has been temporarily...distracted until such time as he chooses to skip the next few minutes and move on to the next dare."**

"**NO SAPHIRA, don't eat him...-gulp-...whoops."  
><strong>

_Ten Minutes Later_

After casting a spell of cleaning the bottle was spun and landed on Eragon.

"Dare, it couldn't possibly get worse."

The card flew towards him and he read it out loud:

"Whoever holds this card has to have his/her privates kicked ten times by the largest member of the group who isn't a dragon."

Glaring at Saphira's belly he walked over to Nar Gharzvog and stood up straight.

Gharzvog brought his leg back and let fly.

Miles away, in a small village, a couple having a picnic looked up as they heard a distant scream.

"Roran, what do you think that was?"

"I don't know but it sounded to me like...hey, there it is again."

They listened as it happened eight more times and then, after it was silent for at least a minute, went back to enjoying their picnic and watching their daughter run around chasing whatever her imagination came up with.

In this case, she was seeing little purple dragons running around her.

Back at the table, Eragon squeaked out to Izlanzadi:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Are you and Nar Gharzvog gonna' get married?"

She looked thoughtfully at Gharzvog for a moment and, deciding, jumped into his lap and kissed him deeply before panting out to the group:

"Yes."

Amid the revelry that followed, two elves grabbed their knees and started rocking back and forth saying:

"Urgal babies...urgal babies..."

Taking a breath to speak, Izlanzadi said to Orrin:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"How did you and Nasuada first meet?"

"It was in the royal court, we were sitting next to each other during a feast once and we got bored enough to talk."

Nasuada interjected:

"That's a lie, everyone knows that I floored you when you were spying on me when I got changed for the banquet."

Orrin turned red at that and would have argued if Galbatorix hadn't interjected and told Orrin to 'get a move on'.

So the Surdan king turned his gaze on Eragon and, already annoyed, said:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to leave the Varden and pledge you're allegiance to me."

Saphira then brought her head over and, promptly, ate the Surdan king in one quick gulp.

No-one re-spawned him.

Saphira then said:

"_Now, if no-one has anything else to say, I do believe it is my turn_."

All those assemble agreed, who were they to argue with a dragon."

"_Okay then, Eragon _-groan-_ Truth Or Dare?"_

"Dare."

"_I Dare you to give me a kiss_."

He smiled and when Saphira brought her head down for him to kiss, he grabbed her cheeks and embraced her passionately.

A couple silent, uncomfortable minutes later, they broke apart.

As soon as they did, Thorn lunged down and ate Eragon.

Saphira said to him:

"_Aww, I was gonna' do that_."

After he'd been re-spawned he shot Saphira a hurt look.

Her only response was to smack her lips and say:

"_Don't worry Eragon, after this is all through things will go back to the way they were_."

"I know Saphira, otherwise I'll have to leave you."

"_You can try_."

Sensing that his luck was running out he turned to the smaller Ra'zac and asked it:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to make a sandwich made out of dragon crap and pickles."

So saying, the items magically appeared on the table and the Ra'zac picked it up and, to the group's disgust, shoved it into its beak and swallowed.

"Okay, thankssssssss for the meal, but now it isssssss my turn."

It turned to Arya and said:

"Elf, Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you or any or you're kin know of a man, a man who wassssss sssaid to have stopped the demonssss of the passsst and the man who nearly brought ussss to extinction before we followed the mad king Palancar over from the losssst landssss to the wesssst?"

Seeming taken aback but unable to back out of a question, she replied:

"We know of such a man, our bards still sings songs about the man in the brown coat that travelled with a woman with red hair."

"Interessssting, did you alsssso know that it wassss he who sssshowed our kind compassssssion and let the lasssst of ussss live?"

She was to shocked to answer but Izlanzadi replied with a tongue lashing so foul that Gharzvog blinked in surprise at the petite elf sitting in his lap.

The Ra'zac raised its hand in acquiescence and nodded to Arya for her to ask her question.

She did, albeit shakily:

"Thorn, Truth Or Dare?"

"_Dare_."

"I Dare you to lick Shruikan on the nose."

Silence.

More Silence.

Even MOAR Silence.

Then...

The ground shook as Shruikan roared in laughter, tears the size of wagon's leaking from his eyes as he collapsed onto the ground, his sides heaving.

Noticing his lack of attention, Thorn lunged forward and licked the large, black dragon on the snout.

Silence.

Then...

Thorn was hanging by his tail like a newborn hatchling with it mother.

Joining the humans in their revels, Saphira fell to the ground laughing as her lover and the father of their purple, little babies started tantruming at the highly amused Shruikan.

Then Shruikan started swinging his head back and forth causing the smaller red dragon to sway.

He was swinging towards the table and after he was just starting to get sick, Shruikan let go and Thorn flew with momentum towards the table, towards the humans, towards Saphira.

Said blue beastie saw him coming but wasn't fast enough to move as he rammed into her and rammed into her.

They rolled down the hill, a mess of blue and red scales and they disappeared over the hill.

Seconds later, they saw him running over the next hill and soon after a VERY angry Saphira was chasing him, shouting her thoughts to anything alive:

"_So help me when I get my claws on you I will shove my foot where the sun don't shine_."

**A/N: Okay, I know they seem to be getting shorter but I was pressed for time on this one. I'm sorry.**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

**'IronMikeTyson': Yes, I know that this is a failed attempt at humour...but I'm tired. Hate me, love me please...just don't set Saphira after me...ARGH! -Nom Nom Nom-**

**Till Then...**

**No One-Liner's! **


	10. THE SANDWICH

**A/N: Okay, I am officially the most boring person in the world, this horrible attempt at imagination proves that. If you want this to be funny, GIVE ME IDEA'S. I don't have much imagination.**

**Chapter 10:**

After the pair of dragons disappeared over the hill they decided to continue on with the game.

It was Shruikan's turn.

The Truth Card flew to him and magically enlarged in front of his face. He projected his thoughts to the group:

"_Whoever holds this card gets to use it for one free pass_."

Appearing annoyed that he didn't get a go he snorted, unknowingly setting the Ra'zac on fire.

They ran away screeching while everyone else laughed at their pain.

They spun the bottle and it landed on...

...mysterious dude...

A Dare Card flew to his hand and he read:

"You have take a Dare from every member of you're game group starting on you're left and you have to do them."

Smiles appeared.

He turned right and looked past the charred remains of the two chairs that the Ra'zac had vacated and his eyes beheld Eragon, still teary-eyed from his author-induced punishment.

He said:

"I Dare you to pick Shruikan's nose."

Said enormous beastie raised his hand with the card and thought:

"_Pass_!"

Moving on from a disappointed Eragon his eyes fell upon Arya, he raised an eyebrow and she said:

"I Dare you to pick Shruikan's nose."

Groans from both the man and Shruikan made those assembled smile.

He got up and walked over to the large, mountain sized dragon even as Shruikan lowered his head, the wheels in his head turning as he tried to figure out how to get revenge on the elf.

Then, as soon as he reached his snout, he dove his hand in and his arm disappeared up to the shoulder.

Shruikan couldn't help what happened next, his nose tickled and it was a reflex.

He took a deep breath through his snout, sending the man shooting up his nose.

This was quickly followed by a large, quaking sound from the dragon.

Orik yelled:

"Take Cover!"

He dove under the table just as the great dragon sneezed, sending the unknown man shooting back out and covering those assembled (except Orik) in an unspeakably horrible green goo.

After the large snort Orik peeked out from under the table and was immediately back on the ground, shaking with laughter at the sight of everyone covered in dragon snot.

A few minutes later, they were all clean again.

Then it was Angela's turn:

"I Dare you to lick a frog."

He did.

Murtagh:

"I Dare you say you're name backwards."

He replied:

"regaX."

Nasuada:

"I Dare you to...-she walked over to him and whispered into his ear-...is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She nodded to Solembum:

"I dare you to bite Saphira on the tail the next time you see her...speaking of which..."

He got up and walked over to Nasuada and, before anyone could stop him, kissed her.

In his head he counted...

...three...

...two...

...one...

He broke the kiss and pushed her out of the way as Murtagh jumped on him.

Ignoring the two fighting on the ground and a very dazed Nasuada, regaX raised an eyebrow at Gharzvog and Izlanzadi.

She said:

"I tire of this game, Galbatorix, can you send us back to the camp?"

"Certainly."

He stood and walked over to them. He turned around. Bent over and they were engulfed in a cloud of purple gas.

When it'd cleared they were gone.

That meant that it was Old Galby' himself.

"I Dare you to carry the person directly in front of you around the table 50 times."

regaX looked at the location offered to him and saw that the person he had to carry was Orik who had been hiding under the table and had just popped up again.

Before he had a chance to hide again regaX jumped over the table and tackled the dwarf to the ground.

Then, while he was still dazed, slung him over his shoulder and started jogging around the table.

While he was passing them he kick the pair still scuffling on the ground causing them to roll away from each other and he silenced their complaints by saying:

"Murtagh, Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"If you woke up invisible what would be the first thing you'd do?"

Grinning madly, he replied:

"I would stalk Thorn and make him scared of bees."

Turning to Eragon he said:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to strip down to your breeches and stay like that for the next 10 turns."

Without comment he complied, making everyone look away uncomfortably when he sat down and crossed his legs.

"Orik, Truth Or Dare?"

Said dwarf was still being carried around so he replied the only way he could:

"Truth."

"What do you think the worst thing about being a guy is?"

"Zippers."

After they'd finished laughing Orik said to Nasuada:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"What is you're dirtiest fantasy?"

She blushed.

Everyone turned to her.

BLUSH!

For the first time in her life...Nasuada was speechless.

Then, in a voice so low even Shruikan had to strain to hear it, she replied:

"Uh...I...um...wouldn't...um...say no to a Dragon in my bed."

She buried her head in her hands, hiding her face.

Then the whooping started.

Orik said:

"Ooooh, look out guys, she's so hot she'll burn ya'!"

Eragon said:

"Ha ha ha, that's just classic!""

Murtagh said:

"You know Nasuada, that can be arranged, just ask Thorn kindly and if you can get past Saphira we cam make you're dream...come true...HA HA HA!"

She walked over to Murtagh and, without warning, kneed him in the balls before returning to her seat amid his groans of pain.

Then she said:

"Arya, Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"What was the funniest thing during you're first time?"

She looked thoughtfully over at Eragon and he smiled smugly.

Arya replied:

"I think it was because I lied most of the time."

A depressed Eragon sat under the table and cried.

Knowing that he was going to be sulking for a while they spun the bottle again and t landed on...Blodgharm.

They had ignored him because he'd fainted when he'd been hit by the projectile snot, he was awake again and after the Dare Card flew to him he read:

"Rub bread on the armpits of the largest human/creature playing and eat it."

He looked left, up and paled.

Smiling maliciously Shruikan bent down and raised his arm.

Galbatorix pulled some bread out of his belly-button and tossed it to the now green elf.

Said green elf just stood there staring until he was brought back with a cough from Arya who was trying hard to suppress giggles at her kinsman's fate.

Getting up shakily, he walked over, reached up and rubbed the bread against the soft skin of a dragons armpit.

-_SQUELCH-_

He pulled it back down and with it came a large green, furry lump of mush.

Behind him, Eragon puked.

Galbatorix threw another piece of bread to him and he placed it on top and pushed it down, causing some of the stuff to fall out and land on his tunic.

Down goes Arya, Orik and regaX...

He put it to his lips.

...followed by Angela, Solembum and Nasuada...

He took a bite.

...Galbatorix lost his lunch and even Shruikan coughed a little.

He chewed it and swallowed, all the while being cheered by the sounds of splattering food and dry retching.

He slowly ate it and, as he swallowed the last bite, he looked back at the group of people, looking as green as the mush he'd just eaten...licked his lips...and fainted.

Then, from out of nowhere, Jormunder's voice brought them back.

They turned to him and immediately began retching again.

They'd forgotten about him when they'd been diving through crap and hadn't noticed his absence.

He said:

"You fucking pricks, come here and gimme' a hug!"

From under the table came a small voice:

"I'd rather kiss a dragon."

Orik looked around fearfully, still dazed from his sudden lack of nutrients and said:

"Purple Dragon Babies...AHHHH!"

He then turned and fled , running back to the Varden's camp as fast as his stocky legs could carry him.

**A/N: Well, love it, hate it, TELL ME!**

** I need to know what you want...TELL ME!**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

** 'IronMikeTyson': Thanks, I know, thanks and I agree.**

**'douneedtoknow': Thanks, I agree but I will make an accompanying lemon story if I get enough reviews that state as such, what's it like, I have no imagination and you spell better than me.**

**' ': I agree, LET'S GET A DRAGON!**

**'guy who caannot login': Yes, I did say that and guess what, You're the first official voter. COOKIE FOR YOU!**

**Well, I guess that's it.**

**Lemon Vote Tally: 1/20**

**If I don't have enough by chapter thirty I won't write it.**

**Till Then...**

**No One-Liner's! **


	11. So Much For Originiality

**Heads up on SOPA and PIPA!**

**Alright, this is definitely bad news:**

**For those of you unaware of the internet giants protesting those two US bills against internet piracy, go to wikipedia and read up on the summarized version of why those two bills are VERY BAD NEWS.**

**If you don't want to do that, TotalBiscuit on YouTube has an extremely good video on why these two laws could destroy the internet.**

**It may seem like a 'meh', kind of thing, but if those laws go through, it could very well be THE END OF !**

**As a young writer, I find this site is a haven where I can use pre-existing ideas to develop my own writing-style, and help others do the same, and enjoy some incredibly good 'what-ifs' or 'wouldn't it be cool...' kinds of stories.**

**Now, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Australian, but PIPA and SOPA would potentially mean goodbye to a lot of the internet the world over, severely restricting creativity, freedom of expression, and in the words of the founders of Google, Twitter, Wikipedia, Yahoo! and other internet power-houses: "..."Give the US government censorship powers similar to those of China, Iran and Malaysia."(-Quoted from MSN Australia's article on the Blackout Protest.)**

**Now, what can the rest of you reading this do?**

**If you've got a Fanfiction profile, put up a message like this in protest, express YOUR opinion on why these laws are bad for us Fanfiction ghost-writers, bad for the internet at large and bad for the world.**

**If you don't have a Fanfiction profile, but are involved in another site, spread the word there; nobody really wants the internet censored, so let's all do our bit and stop these laws from strangling our creativity!**

**Chapter 11:**

Ignoring the dwarf as he disappeared over the next hill, the group stared at the crap covered Jormunder.

He said:

"Ya know, I thought you cared but this just proves how fucking invisible I am."

Angela said a spell of cleaning and as soon as he was clean, he immediately disappeared Saphira came up behind him and lunged.

"_Mmm, thank you Angela, I've been stalking him for a few minutes_."

As soon as the lump sliding down her throat disappeared into her chest she said:

"_Well, if no-one has any complaints I guess its my turn_."

They looked around for Thorn and saw him coming up behind her.

They immediately agreed after they saw how many bruises covered his right leg alone.

After they sat down, Saphira said:

"_Okay Galbatorix, Truth Or Dare_?"

"Dare."

"_Okay, I Dare you to sing a song about me or my kind...and it has to be a good one that makes us sound awesome_!"

He considered for a moment before climbing onto the table, squaring his shoulders and singing:

"Full the moon and midnight sky

Through the dark they ride

Warriors of forever will sacrifice the right

One for all and all for one

The future time has come

Faces filled with torment

Your heart beats like a drum

Never will you look back again

You'll fight on 'til the end

Together we will live on

Forever more...

In this land we have defended from all things dark and cruel

Now we are defenseless in a land where dragons rule

In this land we have defended from all things dark and cruel

Now we are defenseless in a land where dragons rule

Flash of steel in the mid-day sun

The battle has begun

Blood spills all around us but still we carry on

No mercy we will show to them

The white flag shall be raised

We'll fight for our freedom

Ride towards this evil place

We all stand until the end allegiance to this game

In this land we've defended from all things dark and cruel

Now we're defenseless in a land where dragons rule

In this land we've defended from all things dark and cruel

Now we're defenseless in a land where dragons rule

Sun set in the western sky

The battle's almost done

The victory will be glorious

Our enemies are gone

We all stand until the end allegiance to this game

In this land we've defended from all things dark and cruel

Now we're defenseless in a land where dragons rule

In this land we've defended from all things dark and cruel

Now we're defenseless in a land where dragons rule

[Solo]

In this land we've defended from all things dark and cruel

Now we're defenseless in a land where dragons rule [3x]

He bowed and stepped down off the table to the applause of he group.

He had managed to bring in some music in the form of his ear hairs.

Then he said:

"Okay, Truth Or Dare Angela?"

"Truth."

"If you could go out and get any job you want, what would it be?"

"I would be an apothecary 'cause they're awesome."

He nodded and Angela continued:

"Truth Or Dare Arya?"

"Truth."

"Do you swallow or spit?"

Arya blushed madly at that and replied:

"Uh...um...ask Eragon."

He smiled and said:

"She swallows because there's no room to spit."

Murtagh coughed.

Eragon glared at his half-brother while Arya said:

"Nasuada, Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you sit on Murtagh's face."

Nasuada wasn't the only one staring at the elf. Eragon was looking at her with something akin to wonder.

She said:

"What?"

"I always thought you were a stone, cold bitch."

"Charming, thing is...

-She walked over and straddled his lap-

...you don't know me that well do you?"

They embraced while Nasuada fulfilled her dare, much to Murtagh's happiness.

All the while the other inhabitants watched and watched and watched...

**AHHH!**

**Once again the author had to be disposed of again until such time as he could keep his eyes focused on this and not on the image of...**

**HEY, keep it to yourself you -ARGH!-**

**Thank you Saphira...well, until he does this it'll be me, Eragon writing this story.**

Eragon pulled her closer, rubbing small circles on her back, slowly going down.

She whispered in his ear:

"Better be careful or you'll really be working."

He grinned at her before practically sucking her face of.

He started unhooking her bra before slowly kissing down her neck and...

**AHH -nom nom nom-**

**Hello, Arya here, I would like to point out that both the author and the recently snacked upon Eragon are both wrong...I'm a lesbian -kisses Nasuada-**

**Everyone starts cheering and Murtagh jumps in and 'participates'**

**Then, out of no-where the Author jumps out and, grabbing a keyboard, starts typing furiously.**

**Knowing what he had in mind they jumped at him only to disappear in a puff of white smoke.**

**But, when the smoke cleared, there was a purple dragon baby standing there, a trademark Saphira grin on her face and a very Thorn look in her eye.**

**-CHOMP-**

**Author:  
><strong>

**ARGH!**

**Purple Dragon Baby:  
><strong>

**NOM NOM NOM!**

**A/N: As you can tell, I hit a small bit of writer's block.**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

**'IronMikeTyson': Yes, agreed, LOL, and no, elves mate for life and when they do they get married, and when they get married its to have wee little babies with pointy ears and pointy -cough-**

**'douneedtoknow': Good Job and I agree!**

**'douneedtoknow': O...M...G...IT A STAWKER...-NOM-**

**'Oscuro Dream': ANother vote, also, prepare to be disappointed because I am not funny, I am a mean bastard.**

**'loring638': ANOTHER VOTE!**

**'guy who cannot login': DRAGON EATER! I did and no, all those votes don't count (UNLESS I GET A BUNCH OF PEOPLE SAYING THEY DO UPON WHICH I WILL MAKE IT MY DUTY TO WRITE A REALLY LONG LEMON STORY FULL OF "DETAIL" )**

**Also, now that I have you're attention, tell me where you want this story to go. Who would you like to see humiliated and how?**

**Till then...**

**No One-Liner's! **


	12. INVASION?

**A/N: I'm sorry but I'm afraid, that due to UN-forseen circumstances, this mediocre story that I have wrought, will have to be updated every two days though I WILL TRY very hard to get in a day-to-day chapter. I'm afraid that I won't be catching up soon.**

**Chapter 12:**

After they had finished they're...activities, they went back to they're game.

Nasuada said to Solembum:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"What is on you're mind riiiiight now?"

"You don't want to know."

"Oh, but I do."

"Well if you really want to know I'm wondering why I'm still playing this game when I have so many other things I could be doing."

Angela piped in:

"It's because you love me, eh?"

Silence.

Then:

"Of course I love you but not enough to stay here with these idiots and play a child's game."

So saying, he pushed his chair back and proceeded to walk away.

Seeing he was serious Angela said her goodbye's, ran to pick up Solembum, twirled her hand above her head and they disappeared in a puff of white smoke.

Once again, there was a distressed frog where they were standing and it started hopping away.

After their departure Galbatorix spun the bottle.

It landed on him and the Dare Card flew to his hand, it read:

"Whosoever holds this hard has to place a grape on his/her tongue and have it eaten by the player on his left."

He looked up at Shruikan who smiled back down at him.

Feeling like something bad was going to happen he made a grape appear, stuck out his tongue and positioned it.

He didn't have to wait long.

Shruikan, seeing he was ready, brought his head down and clamped his jaw shut over Galbatorix's body.

He then brought it up again and tilted it back.

They watched as the evillest man in existence disappeared into the chest of an even more legendary dragon.

They waited for him to appear in some puff of purple smoke or climb out from under the table but nothing came.

Hoping against hope the looked up at Shruikan who assumed a surprised look.

"Oops, I guess he forgot that he placed spells on me that prevent any magic from being used on...or in me."

They danced and sang for the next few hours.

Then, late into the night they started to wonder how they would get home.

The three dragons solved that question by letting them all climb onto their back and flying to the Varden's camp.

As they were flying they passed over Orik who was still running, although it appeared he was now running from something quite real.

They couldn't see it clearly but it had a purple colour to it.

Those tat could looked at Saphira and on her face was an impish smile.

_Three Hours Later_:

When they'd landed at the camp and had escaped the questions of the army, they disappeared in their own groups.

Arya with Eragon.

Saphira with Thorn.

Nasuada with Murtagh.

Then it was only Xager, a barely conscious Blodgharm and Shruikan.

The great, black dragon said:

"Well, what now?"

"I have a couple friends that wouldn't mind playing, do you still want to?"

"Sure, I've been locked up for a hundred years with a mad man and the first thing I want to do is play a game he forced me to for a few decades."

So saying, he snorted a couple of tents aflame and took of, heading west towards the sea.

Standing by himself with a goo covered elf slung over his shoulder, he considered a moment before walking to the edge of the camp, pulling out a whistle, and blowing it.

A black puff of smoke later, there stood two of the most nefarious fiends in Alagaesia.

On Xager's left stood Oscuro, master malificarum, decked out in his purple mage's robes and a long, oak staff with dragon head carved into the top at his side.

On his left stood a big muscle covered man covered head to toe in maroon plate armour, matching his crimson hair and eyes.

This man's name, was 'Iron' Mike, scourge of the Hadarac.

They greeted each other and were about to walk off, when suddenly, another puff of smoke signalled the arrival of another man.

This one was covered with leather armour and had a massive, intricately carved longbow slung over his shoulder.

Still, it was small in comparison to the massive claymore 'Iron' carried.

I a mocking voice, Oscuro said to the new arrival:

"Late again are we Loring, what kept you this time...a barmaid or a baker's daughter?"

He replied in a drawling voice:

"Both actually, one after the other."

He laughed and raised his hand in a high five.

Unfortunately for him it was 'Iron' who answered.

After he'd walked back over to them and dusted himself off, they continued, Xager shifting the weight over to 'Iron' who was being careless and didn't notice the elf wake up only to be knocked again into slumber when he turned a corner and banged his head into a pole.

Oscuro set up a tent in about two seconds and they entered, 'Iron' immediately dropping the elf onto the floor and rushing to the bag-o-whiskey in the corner.

They set up the table and Xager placed the cards on the table, ready to play:

"Okay Loring, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to kiss the elf on the mouth."

He paled but went over and bent down in front of said unconscious elf.

He leaned down and placed his lips on Blodgharm's.

Blodgharm's eyes shot open.

The two froze.

They both ran for the bag-o-instant-headaches at the same time and, after emptying two bottles each, the smaller elf attacked the armour clad man, forcing him to the ground, all the while yelling:

"RAPE!"

The group still seated at the table glanced meaningfully at Oscuro, silently thanking him for soundproofing the tent before they started.

Taking the initiative, said blood-mage pointed his staff at the squabbling pair and they flew back to their seats.

After calming the elf down and informing him of what had transpired in the last few hours, it was Loring's turn.

Still glaring at the elf, he said:

"Xager, Truth Or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Tell me, how is it you always manage to find the worst company?"

Seeing the glare Loring shot at Blodgharm he replied:

"Well I've had experience, since I found you begging for change in Teirm in nothing but a pair of dirty undies I've taken it upon myself to find the most annoying of them all."

Causing Loring to blush and Blodgharm to smile triumphantly, Xager said:

"Oscuro, Truth Or Dare."

"I'll humour you for now Xager...Truth."

"Did you know that the last few people who played this game that could use magic, were all eaten by a dragon."

Oscuro paled, being a believer that fate was somehow connected.

Xager appeared smug when he saw him putting protective spells around himself.

That's when 'Iron' spoke up:

"I want to laugh, make Mike laugh."

Oscuro didn't hesitate in asking said warrior:

"Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare, I not wuss like you small man."

"I Dare you to sing the alphabet."

Silence.

Silence.

MOAR SILENCE!

Then:

"That not a Dare, give me a Dare!"

"It's a perfectly legal Dare my...good chum."

They watched in amusement as the large shade scrunched up his face in an effort to figure out the alphabet.

None of them dared laugh however as none of them could stop that claymore flying out and ending them.

That's when he started to sing in a gruff voice:

"A, B C...E, D F G H I N G, Z Y X, P O N, M, K Q R T U S, L V."

He finished and sat down, smiling smugly at the group only to frown as he saw that two were purple in the face from holding their breath and the rest, namely Loring and Blodgharm, were on the floor laughing so hard that their eyes were watering.

The large, hulking mass that is 'Iron' stalked over and picked them up.

He then brought their heads together with a resounding 'crack', and threw them outside before sitting down.

Then, when they started to discuss other thing, their came a horrible scream from out side accompanied by a dwarf's voice, yelling:

"RUN, RUN FOR YOU'RE LIVES, THE DRAGONS ARE COMING, PURPLE DRAGON BABIES!"

This was quickly followed by Loring and Blodgharm rushing into the tent, white-faced and terrified.

Then, before they could even stand, a large, purple paw shot in and grabbed Loring.

He was pulled out and they heard a large _GULP_ before his yells for help were abruptly cut off.

Under his breath, 'Iron' said:

"At least someone appreciates my singing ability."

That's when they noticed that along with the growls and roars was the sound of 'Iron's' bad tuning.

The Dragons were singing the wrong alphabet.

**A/N: Once again, I apoligise for ruining names and stories.**

**'Canyon's Rose': Thank you for being frank and neither did I. That's how I found the inspiration to this story. LIES, they'll be back, they always come when the sun goes down. Me, creative, SCOFF. Also, I thank you for being so forward, I need more reviewers like you. -SCREAM- (Is dragged off by -other reviwers-).**

**'IronMikeTyson': I Agree, good job, IKR! Hell, I'm in Australia and...if they do pass it...LET'S START A RIOT! ALso, I agree...lol.**

**'Oscuro Dream': "?"**

**'douneedtoknow': No, she's not, keep you're dreams alive, LIES!, agreed, I'll try!**

**'loring638': Firstly, it is nnot my speech but one by 'Master Of The Blood Wolves', one of the greatest writer's I know and one who started me along this path of writing...ness. FanFiction is all I have left and is the most important thing to me and still I neglect it (and you...the fans). Secondly, I ShALL! Also, touche.**

**' ': "?"**

**'ChocolateLover': Thank you and ANOTHER ONE!**

**'Asorryfemale': ...awkwaaaaard. Do I write masculine, That explains alot. NO, DO NOT DIS YOURSELF...THat's MY thing! :P Also, whoo are you (original name)?**

**Lemon Tally: 8/20 (That's me adding a couple, dirty bastard I am)**

**Till Then...**

**No One-Liner's! **


	13. Safety, or is it?

**A/N: Once again I torture you, the faithful reader's, with this pathetic attempt at AWESOMENESS...**

**Chapter 13:**

Before they could stop him he drew his sword and yelled to them:

"I'll get Loring back, you get out of here!"

He then proceeded to run out the tent roaring his challenge for all to her:

"LEROOOOOOOOOY JENKIIIINS!"

They gave each other a look before Oscuro cut a hole in the tent with magic and they jumped out and started running through the mass of tents, their way lit by the fires that had sprung up everywhere.

They made their way to the end of the row before Xager, his sword drawn, stuck his head out and looked around.

Several pairs of beady, purple eyes found his and he quickly retracted his head, saying:

"Uh, I think they know we're here."

The next few minutes were a haze in Xager's mind but the next thing he knows, he's dragging Blodgharm along with him while supporting Oscuro who's staff was broken during the fighting.

That's when they heard it, the fierce battle cry of something so scary that it made any man quiver in his boots.

It was the cry of a heavily armoured, shade built like a house and with a claymore strapped to its back and still thinks babies come from the dragon fairy.

As he ran towards them the saw Loring flopping around on his back.

That wasn't what held their attention however, that was caught by the unspeakable ooze clinging to their clothes.

They knew without words how he'd gotten Loring out.

When he stopped beside him he said:

"I go' Loring, now what?"

Oscuro replied:

"We get out of here."

Amazing tactics.

Xager said:

"Ignore him, he's a bit depressed because a dragon broke the stick he got from his mother."

"It's not a stick, its a precision instrument to enhance one's powers in the arcane arts."

"It's still a stick no matter which way you swing it."

"Oh Ha Ha, such jocularity, how about that time you bent you're-"

"AHHHHHH, RUN!"

They turned to see behind them.

Blodgharm had awoken and listened to their squabbling, too beat up to help and it was during this that he spotted the thirty-ish dragon's heading towards them.

"Just how many times had Saphira and Thorn done it?"

They stared at the ever-so-high-&-mighty Oscuro...and laughed.

They laughed and laughed and it wasn't until Xager was bitten on the ass that they started to run to the edge of the camp.

Blodgharm, who was still flopping around on Xager's back, said:

"Oscuro, can't you just transport us out of here?"

"I can't do it in such a small area, I need at least twenty meters of clear space if we're going to get out of here."

Eventually the dragon's realised they were getting away because they were following them on foot and they started to take to the sky to pursue them.

Seeing that they weren't going to get away easily, the two standing warriors dropped the group unceremoniously on the floor, drew their weapons and waited.

They didn't wait long as the dragons collided with them.

They were sent tumbling back, at least fifteen dragons to each man...or shade.

They fought but their were so many and eventually they were subdued, 'Iron' with at least twenty dragons on his back after they realised that he was the more dangerous.

That's when a small figure leaped out of no-where and barrelled into the group, sending them flying.

'Iron' immediately jumped to his feet and pressed against the few that had landed on their feet.

As he fought he saw the same figure free Xager with a spell before she turned around and revealed herself to be...

"Arya, knock them out."

She complied with a spell.

As soon as they were all on the ground snoring away into their Purple, Dragon Baby dreams, they gathered around Arya, Xager was the first to speak:

"Arya, how'd you find us?"

"I tracked you're...friends...mind."

She pointed to 'Iron' and he smiled, feeling special.

They didn't disagree.

He then asked:

"Arya, is it just you, where's Eragon?"

At this she looked sadly at the ground and they took the hint.

He was a baby dragon nom.

They put that aside and continued to run, Arya by their side.

Then, quite suddenly, they broke the edge of the camp and when they looked back they saw the damage.

The whole camp was ablaze and the fire outlined the hundreds of people running from the even more numerous dragons.

A way's to the west they saw the same thing happening to Uru'baen.

It was an invasion of...PURPLE DRAGON BABIES!

They saw a small detachment heading their way and Arya cast a spell.

The next thing they knew they were heaped in a pile on a cracked marble floor and their ears were popped.

The first one to extricate himself from the pile was Xager and as soon as he did he looked over the group.

Among the many scattered people were Oscuro, Blodgharm, Loring, Arya, 'Iron' and himself.

When they were all standing again, 'Iron' asked:

"Where are we?"

Arya replied:

"We are in Edoc'sil, Unconquerable."

They assumed shocked expressions and looked around in the gloom.

They heard a small muttering from Oscuro and there was suddenly a flash of white as every corner of the room was filled with light.

Above and around them rose great, granite columns wide enough for a large dragons to pass through without brushing the sides.

It proceeded as such until it reached a large arched hallway with a patched and faded mosaic leading out to the gloom beyond.

They saw a pair of massive wooden doors at the entrance and Arya spelled them closed.

They searched through the rubble and eventually found an unblocked door that lead to another, slightly smaller hall filled with a twelve seat table.

Oscuro sent up another group of werelights showing oil paintings the size houses arranged along the walls and beautifully carved vases of silver and gold were scattered about.

Then, at the end of the room was another door, this one was open and out of it spilled a mountain of coins.

After they were all done stuffing their pockets they seated themselves around the table.

'Iron' said:

"'Iron' bored, 'Iron' want to play game again."

There were no arguments, anything to take their minds off what had just occurred.

Grinning foolishly, the enterprising thief pulled back his sleeves and pulled the two decks of cards out.

After tossing them at Oscuro who magically shuffled them and placed them in their respective piles, they used an ancient bottle (after Loring had drained it) and spun it.

It Spun.

It Spun.

It Stopped.

On Arya.

She read the Truth Card that flew to her hand:

"What is the most Daring and most crazy thing you have done in front of a large crowd?"

She said:

"I've danced an elfish dance."

They had puzzled looks on their faces but she didn't elaborate.

This made it Xager's turn who was sitting on her left.

"The most craziest thing I've ever done in public is walk up to the executioner and ask for a high-five."

Loring's turn:

"The most AWESOME thing I've done in public is have sex...nuff said."

The three bandits assembled smirked at each other 'cause they knew the truth.

It wasn't sex, she yelled screw you and she yelled bite me.

Then it was Blodgharm's turn:

'I once danced an elfish dance in front of a crowd of people."

'Iron' finally got fed up enough to ask:

"What the fuck is an elfish dance?"

Blodgharm smirked and tapped his nose before winking at Arya.

She blushed and looked at a knot of wood in the table before they moved on.

Oscuro said:

"The most embarrassing thing I've ever done in public was...when I walked up to someone who I thought was my wife and..."

He trailed off and even his friends had quizzical looks on their faces.

He finished:

"...and...'HE' wasn't, thing is, I had already turned my supposed beloved around and kissed 'her' before I was separated and I looked into the face of the town jailer, pus filled zits and all."

Silence.

Then...

"HAHAHA, What in the fuck?"

"Oh Angvard, that's priceless."

"By the Dragon's you're a cheeky bastard aren't ya."

The comments went on until an undignified Oscuro conjured an illusion of Saphira in front of them.

The laughter stopped and they continued on with the game.

'Iron' said:

"Uhhh...the most embarrassing thing I've done was when I was walking and I had to go potty...I wasn't fast enough."

The group broke out into furious giggles until 'Iron' got angry enough to pull his claymore out and stick it upright in the table with little effort and without standing up.

Now that their goes were finished they spun the bottle again and it landed on Xager.

The Dare Card flew to him and he happily read out:

"Congratulations, this card is useful for one free pass from a Dare."

Smiling ear to ear, he winked at a glowering Oscuro before they all jumped as a large cracking sound made the citadel rumble.

Silence then...

'-clack-...-clack-...-clack-...then...'

A large blue head forced its way through the smaller door and Loring screamed and fainted while everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Saphira said:

"How are we all this fine morning, I was wondering if you could tell me where Eragon is?"

Silence.

Silence.

MOAR FUCKING SILENCE!

**A/N: Congratulations, you've made it this far so I'll give you a hint...read the A/N on chapter 15...I guarantee you'll appreciate it. -wink- Also, those of you who got the 'Jeff Dunham' Refference get a cookie.**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

**' ': You're right he should, and thanks for spraying him with 'water'.**

**'IronMikeTyson': Thou shalt not harm dragoons whilst I yet live -KAMEHAMEHA-**

**'douneedtoknow': Yes...-tear-..., I agree, guys know guys, thing is, what is Eragon? Rude and Nude...ok. "?"**

**'Oscuro Dream': He deserves worse and CHEERS, in case no-one knows, a malificarum is a 'Blood Mage', for more information, play the Dragon Age Trilogy.**

**'guy who cannot login': Awesome, ITS HORRIBLE! 'Master Of The Blood Wolves' Speech, he just asked me to spread the word so I though, "What about the very words of the man who asked me?" I've been there and I'M TRYING...life hates me.**

**'loring368': No, sadly, Thanks for the dead guys...gives me an idea to bring the Fade into all this. Also, I wouldn't know how to portray Tenga, sane or insane, weird or full of clarity. PURPLE DRAGON BABIES!**

**'GoodetoKnow': Hello asorryfemale, Good, if you've got life you should be happy, except me 'cause I'm a horrible person, you've read my stories. I come up with a lot of things 'normal' people don't think of, you don't get any more UN-common and random as me and...that's why I'm here, if you're happy I'm happy.**

**'TrulyWildDragonRider': YAY and AWESOMENESS!**


	14. Meet Little Saphira

**A/N: Well, I have to ask...is this story funny? Am I losing you? Do you even READ this?**

**Chapter 14:**

"Uh...Saphira..."

"_Yes_?"

Arya didn't look away from her eyes as she said this:

"Eragon was eaten by a purple dragon, one of YOUR PURPLE DRAGON BABIES!"

Silence...then:  
>Saphira laughed.<p>

She brought her large blue head back and let loose a loud booming roar of laughter.

The group around the table looked at each other, confused.

Finally, when she had calmed down enough to speak, she said:

"_So that's why I can't sense him -chuckle-, of course the idiot gets himself eaten_."

The last statement made Arya mad and she yelled at Saphira:

"How could you say that, he was you're rider, you should be extremely depressed!"

This brought a confused look to Saphira:

"_What, didn't you know_?"

"Know what?"

"_Those children of mine, they were infused with magic from a deity that...found us...when we were conceiving them_."

Arya blushed.

"_Anyway, he said that, for a whole week, any man woman or child eaten by our offspring would be reborn as dragons_."

"What! How?"  
>"<em>Apparently, all of them are female so they would each have a child of their own and then they would all disappear<em>."

"But what about you're child, and how did this happen?"

Saphira smiled and moved out of the doorway where her position was taken up by Thorn.

He said:

"_Arya, Blodgharm, I would like you to meet our daughter, Vervada_."

At that he lifted his wing up and there, hiding behind her father, was a small purple dragon.

When he'd lifted his wing she tried to jump up and pull it down again.

Saphira saw this and, not wanting her daughter to be shy in any way, brought her tail around and launched her into the room.

Loring chose that moment to look up and the first thing he saw was a purple dragon baby flying towards him.

-_SMACK_-

Everyone winced as they connected and disappeared behind the table.

Then Vervada's head appeared, quickly followed by Loring who, was still rubbing his head trying to convince himself that he had just imagined the whole thing.

He opened his eyes and came face to face with Vervada.

"_Uh...hi_."

She raised her paw as she said this and did a little wave.

Dumbstruck and with his mouth hanging open, Loring brought his right hand up and slowly brought his fingers up and down in his own wave.

Thinking that she was doing the right thing so far, she said:

"_Uh...sorry for landing on you, I'm Vervada_."

"...Uh...Um...I'm...Uh...Loring."

"_Awesome, do you wanna' be my friend_?"

"Uh...sure."

"_YAY!_."

At this she gave his face a really big lick, causing him to laugh.

Meanwhile, the whole group watched the little exchange and Thorn and Saphira smiled when they saw their daughter lick Loring and watched as he hugged her back.

Finally, Loring stood and took his place in his chair and, upon seeing the smiles around the table, turned red.

Vervada walked around the table, stopping at everyone to look closely for a while before going to the next person.

When she reached Arya, she stared, a look of such amazement crossing her face that it made even Arya laugh.

As soon as her sing-song laughter started, Vervada was even more amazed, her voice sounded like a thousand happy thing at once.

After her laughter subsided and Vervada finished introducing herself, she pranced over to her parents and began to tell them about her friends.

Only half listening, Saphira said:

"_Anyway, if you go back to the Varden's camp tomorrow you will probably find a few hundred eggs all lying around about to hatch. Also, if you find any dragons, just know that if they eat you, you'll be reborn as a dragon._"

At her words, Blodgharm and Arya got up from their seats and begged them to take them.

Chuckling, Thorn agreed to take them while she stayed here and looked after Vervada.

When they were on he made his way to the door, but as he passed Saphira he let out a lustful growl, a promise for when he came back.

For his daughter, he told her that he would be back soon and not to annoy her mother 'too' much.

After he'd left both Saphira and Vervada, after Saphira forced a big hole in the wall to gain entrance, sat around the table.

Saphira behind Xager and Vervada sitting next to Loring.

Saphira asked:

"_Who's turn is it_?"

Xager raised his hand and said:

"Mine."

He turned to 'Iron':

"Mike, Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you arm wrestle Saphira."

The shade smile and Saphira snorted, saying:

"_What a pointless venture, very well, prepare to be crushed_."

'Iron, still smirking, walked around to Saphira and put his hand on the base of her paw.

After that he stood while she placed her elbow on the ground.

Xager said:

"Okay, ready? BEGIN!"

They Saphira pushed, expecting to crush the small-shade-man, therefore she was surprised when instead, she met resistance enough to only move a fraction.

'Irons' smile had been replaced by a grimace but he still managed to hold her arm in place.

Then, ever so slowly, he forced her arm back, centimetre by painful centimetre.

Saphira's eyes bugged out and, struggling to push his arm down, she halted her arms descent.

Then, through the haze in her mind she heard a small voice:

"_GO MOMMY GO!_"

Her eyes flickered to her daughter who was watching her with a look akin to awe.

Growling her challenge she pushed herself and, painstakingly slowly, she forced the shades arm back.

His grimace turned into a snarl as he tried to gain the upper hand but she wouldn't yield...she wouldn't lose in front of her daughter.

Finally, she had the shade on his knees and, inches from the ground, his strength gave in and she slammed his arm into the ground, causing the floor to shatter and the whole building to rumble.

They were both panting and finally, after the colour had come back into his cheeks, he brought his strained hand up and shook one of her claws.

She licked him, saying:

"_Finally, a real challenge, I thank you for the work out_."

"My pleasure, and I believe it was YOU who gave ME the work out."

They went back to their seats, 'Iron' with cheers from his mates and Saphira with her daughter bouncing u and down around her crying:

"_YOU WON YOU WON YOU WON!_"

"_Was there ever any doubt_?"

Vervada bounced higher at this, her wings fluttering.

"_NEVER NO-ONE CAN BEAT YOU MOMMY!_"

"_That's my girl, don't ever let anyone beat you_."

Then, it was Saphira's turn:

"_Oscuro, Truth Or Dare_?"

"Truth."

"_Describe to us, you're idea of the perfect woman_."

"easy."

At this he placed his hands in front of him as if about to conjure a spell and said:

"Well, she would have large, sumptuous lips, beautiful bronze hair, perfect breasts and a very tight..."

"Okay! Thank you Oscuro, now its your turn."

He frowned at Loring but saw him nodding his head to where Vervada was looking at him, her head tilted questioningly.

"Ah...I see it is, Truth Or Dare Loring?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to kiss Vervada."

He smiled and turned to a confused Vervada.

He leaned in and...disappeared with a _GULP_ down Saphira's throat when she jumped over and snapped him up.

Ignoring her daughter's complaints about eating her friend, she said:

"_Try anything like that with my daughter again and so help me I will turn all of you into one really big snack!_"

No-one complained.

Saphira took her place again, now with a small purple dragon baby head-butting her belly yelling at her:

"_LET HIM OUT!_"

Saphira smiled in her own draconic way:

"_What's the magic word?_"

Vervada stopped and, looking hopeful, said:

"_Please, please, please let him out mummy dearest._"

"_Aww, good manners, too bad he's started digesting._"

Vervada looked shocked and started head-butting her slightly distended belly again.

Then a voice broke the silence:

"How about I help you there my young girl?"

They looked into the shadows and saw a black robed figure raise his hands and utter some words in the Ancient Language.

A crack filled the air and Loring appeared five feet above the table before landing on it, face first.

They all watched as Vervada stopped head-butting her mother with little affect and rush to Loring's side, yelling:

"_Lorry, Lorry are you all right?_"

After a disoriented _Yes_ they turned their attention back to the shadowy figure.

He took a step forward into the light and their eyes flickered in confusion.

There before them, stood a tall man with a dirty beard an an annoyed look on his face.

"Now that I've helped you do you mind tellin' me what you're all doin' in my vacation home?"

They looked at him in disbelief and Xager replied:

"But...but how did you get up here?"

"I flew, what else?"

He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Anyway, if you're not gonna' tell me why your here how about you?"

He pointed to Saphira.

Without hesitation she said:

"_We were looking for a place to raise our daughter before my me, my mate and our daughter caught the scent of these idiots._"

There were squawks of indignation at this but she quelled them instantly with a blast of smoke from her nostrils.

"_They were playing a game and my mate had to take some elves back to where we'd come from so me and Vervada, my daughter, waited here. Also, I'm Saphira._"

The old man had a bemused look on his face as he replied:

"What game are you playing?"

"_Truth Or Dare._"

"Awesome, can I play?"

"_Sure_."

At that he walked over and sat down, saying:

"Also, ma' name's Tenga."

When he sat down no-one said anything, the whole day had been one random thing after the next so they took this in their stride.

Xager said to a still dazed Loring:

"You right to play?"

He gave Xager a thumbs up before saying weakly:

"Truth Or Dare?"

He said this to Tenga who replied:

"Truth."

"What is you're main pet hate?"

A darkness seemed to settle over his face and the people next to him sidled away.

"I. HATE. CATS!"

Just them, a puff of green smoke exploded at the entrance and after it cleared, none other than Angela stood there.

She waved at the group, saying:

"Hello you lot, how're we do-"

She spotted Tenga and froze.

Then from under her dress Solembum found his way out and saw the one person who he had least expected to see.

The cat hater.

They locked eyes and remained like that for a couple of minutes, Oscuro coughed, about to say something but all three off them stared at him with such hate in their eyes he yelped and fell off his chair.

After locking eyes again, Tenga said:

"Ah Angela, we meet again. Still toting around that overstuffed pillow?"  
>Solembum hissed as Angela replied:<br>"Well well, Tenga, I had hoped you would have been killed by one of you're experimental vegies."

His face turned purple for a second and he yelled:

"That happened only once and it had ARMS!"

"Still, you could have waited a bit longer until you perfected the spell, I was pick ing leaves out of the most unlikely places for days afterward."

"Is that why you left?"

"No, I left 'cause you are a perverted old man who kept going mad every time I carved a statue of a cat."  
>"Their fowl creatures of the darkness."<p>

"Not Solembum, he's awesome."

Said cat rubbed her ankle and purred at her words.

"Anyway, you could have left a note."

"Why, you were to busy answering a question about how long cheese lasts in the sun, BY PUTTING IT IN MY ROOM!"  
>They argued for a while longer before Saphira finally got mad enough to step in...literally.<p>

She slammed her foot down between them, saying:

"_If you two don't stop arguing soon I'll make sure you never do it again, ever_."

Taking the hint, they stopped talking, instead glaring daggers at each other.

Angela sat down and Solembum jumped into her lap, meowing in comfort.

Seeing that the game was in session again, Xager said:

"Tenga was it, it's you're go."

"Ah, okay."

He wrinkled his face for a minute, thinking, before his eyes lit up with a malevolent light.

"Angela, Truth Or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I Dare you to Dance an elfish dance with Xager."

A look of confusion crossed Xager's face while Angela kept hers passive.

Smiling wickedly, he sat back in his chair, sure that she wouldn't do it.

Then, a large smile crossed her face and her eyes lit up.

"Very Well! Xager, it's time to dance an elfish dance."

Said warrior looked at her, a confused expression on his face and said the only thing that came to mind.

"What?"

Angela replied impatiently and said:

"Hurry up and strip."

Alarmed now, he yelled:

"What?"

Angela stood, placed her hands on the table, leaned forwards and exclaimed:

"IT'S TIME TO DANCE AN ELFISH DANCE!"

**A/N: Once again, I wonder if you even read these notes...or care for that matter. Also, if you do read this can you check out my new story and review please (I know, begging for another of my stories to be read on the only popular one...sad).**

**Review Acknowledgements:**

**'Oscuro Dream': YAY! You just did, you are and AWESOME, what level?**

**'douneedtoknow': Same...and I write it. No he's not dead and if he did he WOULD be dead.**

**'guy who cannot login': Okay. I agree, its less whiney without him and...lolz.**

**'IronMikeTyson': Yes...an Elfish Dance...you don't want to.**

**Lemon Tally: 8/20 **

**Till Then...**

**No One-Liner's! **


	15. Back From My Motivational Death

Hello to those who still yet live,

who favourited this extensive lib.

If you are still around to this long day,

then it's time for you to know that I've been swayed.

My life is in the dirges, all my hope is gone,

when early in the morning I hear a pleasant song.

My e-mail notification, I crack a lid with glee,

I raise my tired hand to shift my mouse despondently.

'What's this, another review?' 'Why will they never learn!'

'I am a lost and broken relic, that never really began.'

But instead of just ignoring it and sending it to the pits,

where hidden away for many days, now numbering eight-hundred-and-sixty-six.

All the pleas and cries of so many evil souls,

who wickedly try to bring into the light this dark and weary troll.

Here I opened up the message and inside it confused me,

for it asked a random question, 'Expecting an answer from me?'

It asked me, 'wouldn't a dragon rider have wards

I mean seriously and where's his riders sword?'

At first it was all curiosity, then it expanded into shock,

I realised that someone, somewhere cared about this filthy rot.

That I had dared to call a story or a tale or a yarn,

when I should have got my shotgun and dragged it out behind the barn.

But yet again, my emotions change, what little I have left,

they flare up in mighty fires, of my calm it doth bereft.

I had explained it in the story, 'HE HAS NO DRAGON LEFT!'

He'd been kicked out of his Order, he was no more at his best.

His life had become worthless, no more application to the world,

why would he even bother, his life has been unfurled.

But once again, shock takes it's turn and rears up it's ugly head,

and inside me I felt a fire that I had thought completely dead.

'I...care?' I asked myself, on the verge of shudders,

'NO, I haven't cared in years, no, I must've left open the shutters.'

Yet the more I tried to convince myself,

I hear the words of a certain elf,

'We'll recognize you best when it appears.'

I cry 'NO, I NEVER HAD A BEST, I HAVEN'T HAD IN YEARS!'

Denial got me nowhere, my hate did not outlast,

Yet another interceding sage from my lonely past.

'Do not gnaw on your anger like a dry old bone.'

Damn him, he made me think about how much I hated Sloan.

How much I wanted to write, with many grand fanfare,

a crossover of Inheritance with Dragon Age, 'OH YEAH!'

The way they wanted to control like many a McDonald's manager,

the mages so much more powerful, the ones who had the answer.

How it fit so well with the Circle Of Magi, a few hundred years from then,

but then I realised the sages game, 'DAMN YOU DRAGON, DAMN!'

To quote a sentence long broken by the amount of times doth spoken,

'LEAVE NO BLACK PLUME AS A TOKEN!'

'TAKE THYSELF OUT OF MY MIND, you DEVLISH THOUGHTS OF GLORY,

IF I TAKE UP THE PEN AGAIN IS WILL ONLY GET MORE GORY!'

But now it was stuck, this idea firm, into my lonely head,

and so long deprived of motivation I knew I couldn't kill it dead.

So I had to write, I had to vent but not on a known story,

no, I WOULDN'T give them the satisfaction, I wouldn't be like Dori!

But as I finish this long awaited benediction,

this blessed resurrection from my imaginations crucifixion.

I realise something that didn't die when I set of my mental mine,

I realised that even if it sucks I still love to rhyme.

I remembered that I once gave a DAMN about a certain story,

It meant a lot, it kept me up, writing non-stop 'till the morning.

I want to have that feeling back, I don't want it denied,

no longer will life's shadow cast a bleakness on my life.

'I OWE THOSE STUPID FANS, I OWE THEM ALL MY LIFE,

THAT'S ALL I'M WILLING TO ADMIT YOU PESTERING BLOODY LICE!'

You never gave up on me or the hope that I would finish,

the tale a childish game and ever-filling flagons.

Of a terrified, traumatised and now facially bald dwarf,

and two horny dragons who like to do it rough and do it course.

"DAMN ALL OF YOU, TO HELL WITH YOU YOU STOLE FROM ME MY NIGHT,

BY THE END OF THE WEEK EXPECT THEM TO BE, UPDATES YOU FILTHY LICE!'

'I'LL RE-READ, REVIEW, RE-WRITE ALL THE DROSS I HATH OUTPUT,

I'LL MAKE IT BETTER FOR ALL OF YOU AS THANK YOU FOR GETTING UNDERFOOT!'

Here it comes in my dark and seedy distant future,

I'll look back on this unholy mess and go, 'Why did I even Bother?'

But now is not the time to question, no now is time for action!

I haven't felt alive in years, it's time for some bloody traction!


End file.
